Saturday, 23 April 2011

A Night Out With The Girlies

Last Saturady night I found myself in a situation that some people might envoy, and others might find decidedly awkward. I ended up being on a night out in town with a group of girls and being the only man in our group. One of the girls who is on my course at college decided to organise a night out, a few men were going to come but they didn't turn up in the end. Unfortunately all the girls were attached in some way

The girl organising sent everyone an email suggesting that we either come to her house or meet up in town. I thought about what to do and decided it was easier to go to her place first. I was the first to arrive, and a bunch of girls arrived soon after. Now I have read and watched many video clips about talking to women, and know quite a few of the principles. However when I find myself in a situation with an opportunity to put such things into practice, my mind tends to go blank and the best I can do is the usual mundane types of conversations.

For instance, I know one thing that is always key is being able to make girls laugh. However, my mind doesn't naturally think of funny things to say, as this normally involves instantanously having to connect a number of unrelated dots on the spot. If I try, it normally is not understood as a joke and it doesn't work.

Now I said this situation of being the only man with a bunch of girls can either be a fantastic situation or be awkward and difficult. Which way it is depends on how you manage to interact with the girls. For a man who knows how to take a lead in a conversation, mak the girls laugh, appear as strong and confident and demonstrate masculine traits, it can be fantastic. For someone who is not this way, the situation can be awkward, because benig the odd one out can make it difficult to engage in conversations, especially when they divert on to girly subjects, and you don't necessary feel that welcome.

Now on this occassion, as with any social situation, I do my best to try to appear attractive. I put on nice clothing, made sure my hair was tidy and used a bit of aftershave. I try to remain calm, not twitching too much, trying to look confident and not needy in any way, and to make good conversation, trying to show an interest in others and be positive.

However oftentimes, especially with an all-female group, the conversation veers in a direction that is not favourable, such an on girly subjects. I would be interested to know how the very confident, so-called 'alpha males' handly this, or maybe it never happens when they're around. This took place for a while in the house, and my best approach was to keep calm, show what intersted I could. When I felt there was a window of opportunity I would engage the girls on a subject, by asking for a femail view on something. On this occassion I asked three girls that were sitting on the opposite sofa, what I should make of a girl who's words and actions contradict each other. I don't know whether this is a good way to engage with the opposit sex, but I feel that anything that generates interest has some value.

The most interesting thing about the night was the car journey to the club. One of the ladies volunteered to drive us. There were five girls and me all crammed into a Vauxhall Astra. The larger girl sat in the front seat and the rest of us were crammed in the back, with some of the girls laynig down on the three os us' laps, trying to keep her head down so that she is not seen by any policemen. It was a fun journey, but the main thing I appreciated about it was that events like this give you good talking points for future socials.

We arrived at the club, and again I tried to look confident. If I wasn't sure what to say or do, my best policy is to look calm and confident and keep quiet, that way at least you are probably not scoring any positive or negative points in the social stakes.

All in all, it was a slightly unusual night but I did enjoy it. Being out with a bunch of girls was a useful experience and hopefully I;ve learnt something from it.

Thursday, 14 April 2011

The Need for Chemistry in a Relationship

On Sunday evening I was talking with Hannah who I've known for about four years, and who I tried hard to go out with a couple fo years ago. To give you some background information: When I first knew Hannah I initially wasn't sure about her, but there was a time in late 2008 where I thought she was giving signals to suggest she was interested in me (flicking her hair once, telling me personal stories without me asking a thing) bearing in mind she is a very shy girl. She agreed to meet up with me for a coffee in January 2009, we aranged a second date a month later but it never happened due to a mix up in the place we agreed to meet up. After that I found she didn't seem quite so keen on me for a while. After much thought and discussion with friends and family, I wrote her a note in April 2009 sealed in a stamped address envelope to gently ask her if she would be interested in a relationship. She replied with a 'no' reply. Due to circumstances I didn't see much of her in the six months that followed. But I remember in October that year there were one or two occassions when her body language seemed to be warming up again, and this has been the case at times since, although not consistantly.

Sunday Evening's Conversation

Moving forward, when I was chatting to Hannah she was in a much brighter and livelier mood than usual. Normally it can be hard work keeping the conversation going with her (thats with anyone not just me) but on this occassion she was really showing an interest in me and the things I was doing, asking me some questions. This isn't an absolute first, as she has had odd bursts when she comes out of her shell. Now I have recently grown a beard which seems to be suiting me. The first thing Hannah said when I saw her was that she really liked me beard. Her body language was very warm, she was leaning towards me with her arm leaning in my direction.

What really caught my attention was that she told me she had gained in confidence recently and she said she wanted to find a nice gentleman 'but I know that's not easy' (refering to things she's heard me talk about subsequent to me trying to date her) and 'well you're a nice gentleman but....' and she seemed to get carried away before saying 'oh I don't know why I'm going into all this' and then I kind of halted that part of the conversation too. Hannah then told me she gets obsessive about things and has had many disasters in her life, but that she had made a resolutino to be more positive and change her ways. I tried to flirt with her a bit afer that. The conversation went on for a bit....


What was significant about this conversation is that lasted for about 10 minutes or so, is that I felt there was real chemistry between us, and because of her warm body language it felt like the chemistry was mutual. The reason for this I think, is that Hannah and I come from similar backgrounds. Our family homes could not have been more stable, no divorces etc, but we've both struggled socially and haven't developed at the same rate as others. As a result I think we can relate to each other quite well. With the vast majority of girls that I meet and get to know a bit, I am able to get along alright, but it would never go beyond a surface level, and hardly ever, if ever has there been any real chemistry between myself and a girl. I don't think I have ever felt any chemistry between myself and a girl until Sunday night.

Whilst I am still thinking about how to approach this particular situation, this occassion made me think of a few things. One of my problems is perhaps that my unusual social background (stable family but delayed social development) and general approach to life means I cannot relate to many girls beyond a surface level, which seems necessary for any relationship to develop, and hence, there is no real chemistry between us. It would be very hard for a conversation to move into more intimate and emotionally charged territory. I can think of several couples who have got together because of some common shared experience. In one case both partners had been affected by a car accident in different ways. In other both partners come from adopted parents and don't know their biological Mum's (or something along those lines). In such cases the common backgrounds or experiences is what helped produce the chemistry and allowed a relationship to develop. Now I'll leave this post with just one question to ponder and perhaps answer in the comments section:

How does someone with a very unusual background that few can relate to, do to find someone whereby there will be some chemistry in the relationship?

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Review of My Organised Social

This past weekend has been a strange one in a way. It was made up with many fairly dull hours, but there were two separate occurances on Saturday and Sunday that were quite exciting.

What was perhaps most interesting about the night was the train journeys there and back. On the way there, I was sittnig behind a group of ladies on a hen night. It was interesting to overhear they're conversation. I managed to make a little bit of conversation with them, and at one stage one of them was taking photos of the girls. After taking several photos she jokingly pointed the camera in my direction. With two very attractive girls on the seats in front of me, I thought I'd take the initiative by saynig "you can if you like" and then standing up with my arms round these two girls. I gave them my name so they can tag me on FaceBook. Needless to say, when that photo is uploaded, they'll be some interesting comments from my friends!

I arrived at vthe venue for the organised social quite early, and was the first person to arrive at our reserved area of the pub, apart from the host, who was a new lady, about 26 and quite attractive. Being the first person to arrive made the first 10 or so minutes of the social before anyone else came, feel a bit like a date. As a whole this social was just unremarkable. Nothing very exciting, but nothing too embarrising either. I felt fairly tired, but we were sat on cosy leather sofas for the first bit so that wasn't too much of a problem.

One of the attractions about organised socials is that sometimes they arrange for the group to have free entry into a club afterwards. This happened on Saturday. I was feeling rather tired but it was only 10:00 so I thought I'd see what the club was like, and stayed there for probably just over an hour before leaving. The music was loud, and I didn't buy a drink because the bar was so croweded when we arrived that I couldn't see what was on offer and it was too awkward. Being such as loud place made me wonder how anyone can seriously get to know a girl in that environment. On the other hand, with the place being so crowded you were bumping into people anyway, and getting from one place to another would often involve brushing past many attractive women (there was quite a lot more girls than men there) without it being an issue. So from that perspective I can see how relationships could start there (if you keep your mobile's on).

The journey home was quite interesting too. Near me no the train were a bunch of people in their late teens/early 20's. Now often when I see a group of people like this hanging around and get to hear the conversations, as it was on this occassion, I can see exactly why I just couldn't fit in with my peers. It's hard to pinpoint what it is about their interactions, but the things I noticed were a rather casual approach to relationships, them not really knowing what their plans were for the night (arguing about it on the train), and what I may consider a rather sloppy, less than formidable use of language. Not slang, but rather the use of these modern words and expressions that appear to have been invented by teenagers. The only language I've ever known is standard English, to me it's far easier and more straight forward than any other version of the English language and it makes you sound more intelligent and credable. Hopefully in due course I will be able to give more detailed or better observations on such kinds of people, that will demonstrate to my readers more accurately why I simply didn't fit in. But for now these are my observations.