Social Dynamics and Asperger's Syndrome

Tuesday 28 September 2010

The Catch 22 Situation of Arranging to Meet up with People You Don't Bump into Regularly

Well it's been a while since I've posted anything herer and the reason being is basically because I haven't been out much in the past month. Work has been busy and stressful at times. I've started a course in book keeping to help improve my career prospects (I may go on to be a qualified accountant) and there hasn't been much on in terms of organised socials that I've fancied going to. Numbers seem to have dried up a bit, and my friend Maria who I am very fond of (though not in a sexual way but because of personality etc) doesn't appear to have be attending many organised socials these days.

One thing that I have experienced in the past and am experiencing now is the difficulty of trying to keep in touch with someone whom you don't actually get to see very often. In such a case it means I must take the initiative and find a way ask that person, in this case Maria, if she will meet up with me in some capacity. I've tried this once this month. On 28th August I sent Maria a Facebook message asking her if she wanted to come to a gig that my uncle was doing on the 17th September. She replied on the 12th September, with a "thanks but I can't make that date, see you soon" type reply.

Now next week I am taking the week off work, just to have a break. So tonight I sent her a message suggesting that we should catch up over of a cup of tea, and of course I am now awaiting a reply. I have tried to word both messages in such a way (with much help from a friend) to make it appear that I'm not trying to date the girl, just wanting to meet up as friends.

Now here's the catch 22 sitaution, which I feel I might be in if I don't get to meet up with Maria after today's message. When the other person is repeatedly unable to make the dates you suggested (when still on good terms), you find that you have to keep persisting in asking in order to be able to meet up with that person, and keep in touch. Otherwise you may end up losing touch by default. But if you keep on persisting in trying to arrange to meet up with someone, you can end up looking like you're pestering them, or they may start to become weary of you if you think you're trying to date them.

In short the problem arises when there is someone (most likely someone of the opposite sex) who you are really keen on, for whatever reason, you're trying to arrange to meet up with. If that person can say yes to your first offer of meeting up, you can meet up and hopefully remain in touch in the longer term without that person knowing exactly how interested yu are in them. If however, after two or three attempts that person you like cannot make the dates you set, the catch 22 situation one must get around is finding a way to meet up with that person without them realising how important they are to you (as that may put many women under pressure and you're liable to become a pest). Can anyone find a way out of such a Catch 22?

Hello

I am a man in his late 20's, living in Southern England, working as a clerical assistant in an office, and learning to get through life with Asperger's Syndrome. To those who are unfamiliar, Asperger's Syndrome is a social communication disorder, a mild form of autism. As for me, it is not something that is noticable to most people, and I hope it is in effect a disability which is tantamount to being half deaf in one ear. If your friend is has only 50% hearing in one ear (as one friend of mine has) most of the time you would forget it and you certainly wouldn't regard that person as disabled. There would be occasions though, when you would have to remember they're partially deaf, and allow for the fact they might not always hear you so well. The same is true with having Asperger's. In a straightforward situation when everything is going smoothly, you might as well forget I have Asperger's. However when things get more difficult, particularly in a social setting, the effects of Asperger's Syndrome will become more noticeable. The purpose of this blog is to discuss the issue of social interaction from the perspective of one with Asperger's Syndrome. I by no means am intending to speak for all Asperger's people, but I do hope to enlighten my readers, through my thoughts, observations and experiences, as to some of the struggles and difficulties Asperger's people have in social settings. This is my personal blog so I may occassionally deviate away from the topic to Asperger's Syndrome. Whilst much of what I have written here is very blunt and direct, much of it is also very much related to my thoughts at the time of writing, and in view of a particular situation I find myself in. You cannot guarentee that what Isay in a partcular post reflects how I think of feel about something at all times. I have decided to keep my indentity anonymous, and names of individuals have been changed to protect their identities too. That said, I would delighted to see people get in touch with me. I really would love to make this an interactive blog with two way communication between myself and my readers, and if anyone wants to get to know me better, especially people from Southern England, I will be especially pleased to hear from you. I am happy to reveal my identity to some people, just not everyone who browses this site on the world wide web.