In the past couple of months I have had so many thoughts rattling around my mind, and been spending many evenings and lunch breaks wandering around local parks collecting my thoughts, talking to myself, and trying to find SOLUTIONS to scramble my way out of this catch 22 situation.
The problem being, how do I stop being perpetually single and be able to GET IN to relationships without it being a huge effort!
How to go beyond first dates and get through the HOOPS necessary to get to physical intimacy with a woman.
I have been thinking hard and strategically about what I actually want. Do I want a steady girlfriend? Do I want a friend with benefits? Do I just want one off encounters?
The answer is what I would like MOST is to be settled into a steady relationship with an attractive girl. HOWEVER, failing that, and in the meantime, I want to find a way to have some sort of sensual and sexual intimacy with women (without paying huge prices), while searching for a proper girlfriend. It's not just the having sex, its things like walking to the beach together, hand in hand, extended touching, all the things that you see couples do.
HOW DO I ACHIEVE THIS?
Here's a summary of how I am feeling and why:
Wanting to make up for lost time in terms of not having sex and relationships but having no clear methodology as to how to go about this. Feeling like its my fault for not trying hard enough when I was younger.
This is the real Catch 22: IF I said to myself "I'm now 40, I want to sort out of my driving problem and learn to drive" (which I did at 30 btw), while the process of undertaking lessons and tests may not be easy, you can sure of these THREE things:
1. It is perfectly socially acceptable to be OPEN about this and say "Hey, I'm turned 40, I've decided its time I learnt to drive"
2. OTHER PEOPLE will be supportive of your aim, they'll say "good for you" rather than "just be yourself and stop looking.
3. There is a CLEAR METHODOLOGY of how to achieve your aim to become a driver. Hire an instructor who will teach you HOW to drive, and learn and practice everything you need to pass a test. Just about anyone with the determination will achieve it eventually
The same could be said for almost every other goal like learning a language, playing an instrument or losing weight.
Yet when it come to finding a girlfriend, or intimate encounters in the meantime...not only is there NO CLEAR METHODOLOGY but you're left in a real catch 22 situation, in that if you tell a prospective partner that you are looking and TRYING to find a girlfriend, or that you have a genuine STRUGGLE in this area, they will likely be TURNED OFF dating you! WHAT A CATCH 22 - YOU'RE HAVING TO DISGUISE YOUR TRUE FEELINGS, and try to be social and interested in other stuff that you're not! WITH EVERYTHING ELSE AT LEAST YOU CAN BE OPEN ABOUT YOUR OBJECTIVES.
And yes people do have occasional flings, intimate encounters and friends with benefits, yet if you ASK a woman if she'd be happy to be a friend with benefits you're most likely to a frosty response!
With all that said, I do believe that if you REALLY want something, there is always a solution out there, you've just got to scramble around to find it.
