Unlike with many disabilities, a person with Asperger's Syndrome is capable of doing anything that someone without it can do, but some things will need to be learnt using a more systematic and structured approach. An example of this is dealing with different traffic situations when learning to drive. Someone with Asperger's Syndrome can definitely learn how to successfully handle all the different traffic situations, but because this is something for which there many variables and no natural formula involved, they may find they need to learn about the traffic situations in a more systematic way, perhaps by anaylising and catagorising the different situations, and drawing up a flow chart to say "if this happens - do this..." and so on. Basically trying to work a formula, as much as can be developed, for something that other people can deal with through natural intuition.
I think the same thing can apply in handling social situations, and in particular learning how to approach and talk to girls. I have been unwell over this past weekend, and spent much time researching what some dating experts are saying on how men should approach women successfully. I watched quite a few of the videos by Alex Coulson and read through an e-book entitled Magical Tactics by Mark Raymond (I found a much cheaper way to download it!) and I am trying to piece together the various tips which are supposed to guarentee you success with women, and trying to work out how best I can apply them.
Tips on Approaching Girls
The following is a very brief summery on the information I have read or heard about how to successfully approach girls and get them interested in you, which can work for anyone regardless of looks or status:
Firstly, be confident and show it in your body language, and demonstrate that you are higher value than the girl, someone who is interested, yes, but not so much that she is the most important thing in your life, and that you will never violate your own principles to suit her. In this way she will see you as someone she has to work to impress, and this will make her inclined to chase after you. Other tips included responding to anything that she says to you as a "test" but taking her words and throwing it back at her, to continually demonstrate higher value, and to make your own intentions unclear so that you will remain in her mind as she tries to work you out. I have also read that a woman's attraction to a man is always based on emotion and never logic, which is why many women will continually run back to husbands or boyfriends who treat them badly.
Reflections on Such Tips from One with Asperger's Syndrome
I can see in retrospect, with my own experience of people I know, that much of what I have read is true, even though women may not admit to it. On the one hand I am very pleased that I have read what I read and there are definitely some principles that I will seek to apply. However there are also many difficulties and answered questions.
I can see easily why my attempts with women have failed so far. I am naturally a very straight-forward, well organised and systematic person. I tell the truth, I am honest, I do not exaggerate or try to make a story out of something but I describe things exactly as I see them, and seek to be accurate all the time. I have always been the nervous, twitchy type and my natural body language has typically displayed a lack of confidence and an over-reacttion to things, even when I don't feel like I am reacting at all! I am certainly not the "cooky but funny" type that many dating guru's state is what you need to be to have success with women. Jokes or a clever wit do not come naturally to me, my mind simply doesn't work that way. How do you demonstrate high value when you have never successfully found a relationship, and yet remain honest? I believe if women worked via logic, I would have more chance in finding a relationship, at least that way I could explain my nervous body language and they might understand it and not hold it against me.
I have been asking myself why? Why does it have to be that woman don't seem to like the straight-talking, honest, hardworknig, well organised types and will more easily date the jokey, less than straight-forward types, who in some cases may not always behave so respectfully and may have some more obvious flaws? Why does my personality have to be of the type that women don't seem to like when it comes to dating?
How does someone with my personality type demonstrate such high value characteristics? What if you simply cannot quickly think of the right thing to say in response to a girl's statement? And what if you cannot help but get tired by trying to look calm etc and therefore demonstrate body language that is off-putting to girls?
Resolving the Situation
I am still working on how I should apply the various tips on approaching girls that I have discovered. I am jotting things down on the backs of envelopes and trying to develop a more systematic approach to talking to girls, in the same way as one might do with handling traffic situatins when driving. Whilst there is an enormous number of variables involved, it is possible to brainstorm the different types of situations, ways to approach, responses to statements, and devise some type of formula to help. I am currently of the conclusion that, one cannot and must not try to change their personality and be someone else in such situations, but rather that one is best to take some of the tips given and find a way to use them that fits in with their own personality and style.
I think the same thing can apply in handling social situations, and in particular learning how to approach and talk to girls. I have been unwell over this past weekend, and spent much time researching what some dating experts are saying on how men should approach women successfully. I watched quite a few of the videos by Alex Coulson and read through an e-book entitled Magical Tactics by Mark Raymond (I found a much cheaper way to download it!) and I am trying to piece together the various tips which are supposed to guarentee you success with women, and trying to work out how best I can apply them.
Tips on Approaching Girls
The following is a very brief summery on the information I have read or heard about how to successfully approach girls and get them interested in you, which can work for anyone regardless of looks or status:
Firstly, be confident and show it in your body language, and demonstrate that you are higher value than the girl, someone who is interested, yes, but not so much that she is the most important thing in your life, and that you will never violate your own principles to suit her. In this way she will see you as someone she has to work to impress, and this will make her inclined to chase after you. Other tips included responding to anything that she says to you as a "test" but taking her words and throwing it back at her, to continually demonstrate higher value, and to make your own intentions unclear so that you will remain in her mind as she tries to work you out. I have also read that a woman's attraction to a man is always based on emotion and never logic, which is why many women will continually run back to husbands or boyfriends who treat them badly.
Reflections on Such Tips from One with Asperger's Syndrome
I can see in retrospect, with my own experience of people I know, that much of what I have read is true, even though women may not admit to it. On the one hand I am very pleased that I have read what I read and there are definitely some principles that I will seek to apply. However there are also many difficulties and answered questions.
I can see easily why my attempts with women have failed so far. I am naturally a very straight-forward, well organised and systematic person. I tell the truth, I am honest, I do not exaggerate or try to make a story out of something but I describe things exactly as I see them, and seek to be accurate all the time. I have always been the nervous, twitchy type and my natural body language has typically displayed a lack of confidence and an over-reacttion to things, even when I don't feel like I am reacting at all! I am certainly not the "cooky but funny" type that many dating guru's state is what you need to be to have success with women. Jokes or a clever wit do not come naturally to me, my mind simply doesn't work that way. How do you demonstrate high value when you have never successfully found a relationship, and yet remain honest? I believe if women worked via logic, I would have more chance in finding a relationship, at least that way I could explain my nervous body language and they might understand it and not hold it against me.
I have been asking myself why? Why does it have to be that woman don't seem to like the straight-talking, honest, hardworknig, well organised types and will more easily date the jokey, less than straight-forward types, who in some cases may not always behave so respectfully and may have some more obvious flaws? Why does my personality have to be of the type that women don't seem to like when it comes to dating?
How does someone with my personality type demonstrate such high value characteristics? What if you simply cannot quickly think of the right thing to say in response to a girl's statement? And what if you cannot help but get tired by trying to look calm etc and therefore demonstrate body language that is off-putting to girls?
Resolving the Situation
I am still working on how I should apply the various tips on approaching girls that I have discovered. I am jotting things down on the backs of envelopes and trying to develop a more systematic approach to talking to girls, in the same way as one might do with handling traffic situatins when driving. Whilst there is an enormous number of variables involved, it is possible to brainstorm the different types of situations, ways to approach, responses to statements, and devise some type of formula to help. I am currently of the conclusion that, one cannot and must not try to change their personality and be someone else in such situations, but rather that one is best to take some of the tips given and find a way to use them that fits in with their own personality and style.
