Coping With a Damp Squib of a Night Out

Monday 23 August 2010

Coping With a Damp Squib of a Night Out

I was meaning to do some blogging last week but other things got in the way, and my report here is of the Saturday before last (14th August).

At this organised social there were in the end only six people due to attend, why so low a number I do not know. One of them was my friend Maria, who I mentioned in an earlier post. Now I have seen her since I last wrote about her, and I must say that I have developed a bit of a crush on Maria, although it is not a sexual thing, it's more to do with her personality. She's very useful for me as she naturally helps me along socially and takes a real interest in me, and socially, you could say she gets the best out of me. I am useful for her on a night out too, because particualarly later on she can become very spontaniously minded, losing sense of reality, and I'm useful in helping her to steady and clarify her thoughts, and I think she's recognised that before I did. We're incredibly opposite, but it's probably a case of us both naturally filling in the missing bits of each other's personalities, and as far as I'm concerned it's a case of "opposites attract" (which would have to be our wedding song if we were ever to marry!).

Unfortunatly, at this damp squib of a social, she didn't turn up. I was a little suprised, as although she often changes her mind about things, she will usually post a note on the website if she's not coming at the last minute and she didn't this time. In the end there were just four of us.

I had a bad feeling about this social as I was on my way there. I was the last of the four to arrive and it was hard to try to mix comfortably, and be friendly, whilst wondering if Maria would turn up, often looking towards the entrance to see if I could spot her. We were all wondering about it, though I think I was the only one who knew her, so I offered to text Maria to see what was happening. Now I was nervous about texting, because I didn't want to give her the impression I was only going to the organised social to see her, so I decided to use the word 'we' in the text, to make it sound more like I was a good friend looking out, rather than as a man trying to hunt her down. She replied to say she wasn't well.

I felt somewhat more after relaxed knowing that she wasn't coming. What was awkward about this event, and can be awkward about many organised socials, is that you end up having to try to socialise with people you may not wish to make the effort to talk to, or who may be hard work. I was sitting next to this lady, Jane, whom I have met a few times. I have nothing against Jane, but she doesn't appear too easy socially, I don't think we have any common ground and she's in her 40s (don't get me wrong I interact happily with people far older than this, I'm not ageist but on these nights out I hope to meet people more my own age). It was a struggle for a while. However she then commented that "it's a bit of a dull night..."and immediatly I was little relieved as this was what I (and the others) were thinking and a subject I can engage in, analysing the social dynamics.

In the end we all left the bar at about 10:00pm. We were all disappointed with the low turnout. Maria would have made all the difference I think. However to see that no-one was enjoying the night and we could be open about it was quite a relief, as I fear that commenting about the night being dull may appear like a more polite way of saying "you're boring company" so I'm relunctant to express it myself. But it's just a fact that some occassions can turn out to be a damp squib socially, simply because you need more people to stimulate the conversation.

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Hello

I am a man in his late 20's, living in Southern England, working as a clerical assistant in an office, and learning to get through life with Asperger's Syndrome. To those who are unfamiliar, Asperger's Syndrome is a social communication disorder, a mild form of autism. As for me, it is not something that is noticable to most people, and I hope it is in effect a disability which is tantamount to being half deaf in one ear. If your friend is has only 50% hearing in one ear (as one friend of mine has) most of the time you would forget it and you certainly wouldn't regard that person as disabled. There would be occasions though, when you would have to remember they're partially deaf, and allow for the fact they might not always hear you so well. The same is true with having Asperger's. In a straightforward situation when everything is going smoothly, you might as well forget I have Asperger's. However when things get more difficult, particularly in a social setting, the effects of Asperger's Syndrome will become more noticeable. The purpose of this blog is to discuss the issue of social interaction from the perspective of one with Asperger's Syndrome. I by no means am intending to speak for all Asperger's people, but I do hope to enlighten my readers, through my thoughts, observations and experiences, as to some of the struggles and difficulties Asperger's people have in social settings. This is my personal blog so I may occassionally deviate away from the topic to Asperger's Syndrome. Whilst much of what I have written here is very blunt and direct, much of it is also very much related to my thoughts at the time of writing, and in view of a particular situation I find myself in. You cannot guarentee that what Isay in a partcular post reflects how I think of feel about something at all times. I have decided to keep my indentity anonymous, and names of individuals have been changed to protect their identities too. That said, I would delighted to see people get in touch with me. I really would love to make this an interactive blog with two way communication between myself and my readers, and if anyone wants to get to know me better, especially people from Southern England, I will be especially pleased to hear from you. I am happy to reveal my identity to some people, just not everyone who browses this site on the world wide web.