The Common Feeling of Exclusion or Jealousy

Friday 8 October 2010

The Common Feeling of Exclusion or Jealousy

I would like to share a common feeling I get which happened to me this week. As I said in my last post I am now doing an evening course at college, and during our two hour lesson we get a short break where we can go into refrectory and talk amongst ourselves. I always make a conscious effort to socialise with my fellow students at this time, and there are some attractive girls on my course.

One thing that gets to me is when girls I know in this type of situation talk about their nights out, or their plans to go out on a Saturday night etc. Now this is hard to explain, I don't know if it's a kind of jealously about their social life or what. You see there are two things I am looking for, and I honestly don't know which I want most, to have a girlfriend for myself or to have a social life which involves being around many girls (which would put me definitely 'in' the dating scene and make finding a girlfriend much easier).

I think the issue is that when I meet girls that I find attractive, I feel I want to be a part of their wider social life, not just someone I see only at college etc. This can apply whether they are single or in a relationship. I think this is because of my own lack of such a social life. Whilst I have some good friends, I don't generally have anyone to go out with as such, and the types of friendships I have are not ones whereby I often meet suitable single women who can ask out for dates. Now if I did have a social life that I was entirely satified with, I don't think it would bother me that a certain girl I knew from college etc was going out one night, but as I don't, I get a kind of jealous feeling.

However, it is not that I would necessarily want to be out with that girl with her friends on that particular night in question. If she was to invite me along with her and her friends, I would most likely find it a rather uncomfortable experience if I was with an all girl group. Nor am I saying I would want to be that girl in question. I suppose it is a more general wanting to get into their social circle, including getting the know the men in their social circle.

Strangely I don't get this kind of jealousy when I hear men talk about their nights out, although I would most likely except their invite if it was offered.

Since the age of twenty I have always wanted to go out on Friday or Saturday nights more. I've never been interested in getting drunk, or doing anything outragous, but simply meeting up into possibly the early hours with other young people in a feel-good environment, and having many attractive girls from other circles who I could approach during the night. My problems have always been two-fold: Firstly, finding people to go out with (you want genuine friends, not just anyone). Secondly, whilst I wished I could, I just don't naturally perform too well in such an environment, though having the right people around me can enable me to do so.

There have been a number of situations over the years where I have seen groups of people go out and I wanted to somehow get in with them, but have always seemed to be overlooked. There has been times when I've thought "how come so and so manages to get in with them and be invited out and me not?" It can be a real fight for some, and many hoops to jump through to achieve the kind of social life one is looking for.

I was thinking today that probably the reason why I have never found a girlfriend is because I naturally tend to click with older people better for the most part. It could be because of my interests, or my own generation being younger hasn't worked out qutie how to relate to me. The girls I an attracted to are probably not drawn to my personality.

Forgive me if I am sounding like I am mixed up in this post. I don't think I am but when I first decided I would write something on this, my mind thought of so many directions I could take this post and angles to this issue I could discuss. If anyone has misunderstood me, hopefully future posts will clarify my thoughts on this.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Hello

I am a man in his late 20's, living in Southern England, working as a clerical assistant in an office, and learning to get through life with Asperger's Syndrome. To those who are unfamiliar, Asperger's Syndrome is a social communication disorder, a mild form of autism. As for me, it is not something that is noticable to most people, and I hope it is in effect a disability which is tantamount to being half deaf in one ear. If your friend is has only 50% hearing in one ear (as one friend of mine has) most of the time you would forget it and you certainly wouldn't regard that person as disabled. There would be occasions though, when you would have to remember they're partially deaf, and allow for the fact they might not always hear you so well. The same is true with having Asperger's. In a straightforward situation when everything is going smoothly, you might as well forget I have Asperger's. However when things get more difficult, particularly in a social setting, the effects of Asperger's Syndrome will become more noticeable. The purpose of this blog is to discuss the issue of social interaction from the perspective of one with Asperger's Syndrome. I by no means am intending to speak for all Asperger's people, but I do hope to enlighten my readers, through my thoughts, observations and experiences, as to some of the struggles and difficulties Asperger's people have in social settings. This is my personal blog so I may occassionally deviate away from the topic to Asperger's Syndrome. Whilst much of what I have written here is very blunt and direct, much of it is also very much related to my thoughts at the time of writing, and in view of a particular situation I find myself in. You cannot guarentee that what Isay in a partcular post reflects how I think of feel about something at all times. I have decided to keep my indentity anonymous, and names of individuals have been changed to protect their identities too. That said, I would delighted to see people get in touch with me. I really would love to make this an interactive blog with two way communication between myself and my readers, and if anyone wants to get to know me better, especially people from Southern England, I will be especially pleased to hear from you. I am happy to reveal my identity to some people, just not everyone who browses this site on the world wide web.