Sunday, 17 October 2010

Why it Sometimes is Just Not Worth the Effort

As this weekend is not proving to be the most exciting and a little empty, and having felt mildly dispondent about the way my plans had turned into on Saturday evening (they were worthwhile though never especially exciting in the first place), I was thinking of going to an organised social today, which was a meal out. I haven't been to any organised socials for some time now, and I have decided not to renew my subscription to the organisation when it expires next week, although I probably will come back at some point, possibly sooner rather than later. At the moment life is very busy in the week with work and college, but I just wish I could have some more exciting social occassions for the weekends, particularly Saturday evening, with people around my age.

I was up till about half twelve last night thinking about whether I should go or not. In the end I decided against going. The reason? Basically I just couldn't be bothered, it didn't seem worth the effort. Having thought through whether or not to go made me think of two things. Firstly, the things I hope for at a social occassion, where I am meeting new people or people I don't yet know very well. Secondly, what in practice do will normally happen at such an event (in contract to my hopes).

My Hopes for Social Occassions

I don't generally go to social events with these specific hopes in mind, but unwittingly, when I am on my own imaging a good social occassion, feeling in mood for socialising, these are the kinds of things I hope to get out of a social.

I hope to get onto conversation topics that are stimulating, whereby I am given the chance to express my thoughts on something, to demonstrate something of my personality, and something of my knowledge. An example of this would be when I was asked if I was watching Big Brother and it lead to discussion about contestants on past series and the activities they did, and how I would feel if I was on there. Such a conversation was an enabling one, it enabled me to express my thoughts in a way that I was keen to do so. Another good thing is when people who don't know you that well say what they think of you, who (celebrities maybe) they remind you of, as it is interesting to see how close they may be to the truth. It's very good when people also instinctively work out what you might be good at and your positive qualitites. Obviously there are some questions I don't want to be asked, and generally these types of conversations require the other people to have an instinctive sixth sense, so they can identify what may be good subjects to raise. And by the way, this is not the type of social discussion that can be planned, so if you're trying to plan your next conversation with me based of these principles, forget it.

Another thing that makes a social especially good is any flirting (by young women) directed at me. Any hints, (or even jokes sometimes), that a girl might find me attractive will have me on a high till at least the end of the day.

Above is What I Hope for but in Reality it Normally Goes Something Like This

A typical social will consist of me doing my best to approach people, introducing myself, shaking a few hands, trying to break the ice, asking them things like "how's your day been?", "where abouts do you live?", "what do you do for a living?" and vice versa, with the two of us, trying to dialog with each other on fairly mundane issues. I normally end up repeating things about myself that I say to loads of people, explaining to people that I do a basic clerical office job, that I live in a flat, that I travel by bus etc. When someone tells me what they do for a living, it's not always something I know much about, and rarely brings about things I can relate to, so the best thing I can do is just nod "OK" etc and the conversation will generally amount to both of us exchangnig a few fact -  "this is what I'm about", and "this is what I'm about", maybe exchanging a few mildly common interests or experiences, but barely going any further.

In a larger group, I find I am more likely to make an ill-judged comment (due to the pace of the conversation) that will be met with a "you haven't quite understood" responce, than I am to make others laugh. I may well unwittingly interrupt, misjudging whether I had the appropriate window of opportunity to make my statement. And oftentimes the conversation topics will go onto subjects of which I have little knowledge or experience.

I may leave such a social event with a feeling that you haven't performed too well. And that is why, on some occasions, going to a social event is just not worth the effort.

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