Saturday, 26 November 2011

I Just Cannot Trigger Attraction. Is There Any Way I Can Bypass This Phase?

I sometimes think that the more I read or hear about the things that attract women, the more I realise that my whole persona is one that is simply not geared towards it. I have heard it said that the three key qualitites that attract women are, firstly benig supposedly 'pre-selected' by other women, secondly, being a leader of men, and thirdly, a protector or loved ones. I am by nature none of those things. I do have many good qualities - I am well organised, hard-working, mature, loyal, reliable and independent, I managed to get a a mortgage at age 21, but none of those characteristics triggers a woman's attraction switches. The things that cause a woman's attraction are my weak areas. I have been feeling that I really need something tantermuont to an arranged marriage, because it would enable me to find a relationship with a girl who would appreciate the qualities I do have whilst bypassing the attraction phase.

That said, I am working hard to develop those areas that trigger a girl's attraction. I try to use stories about things I've done which may demonstrate an element of those attraction qualities, and can hopefully sub-communite that I have those things. I often find that when I am at home I brainstorm the various natural conversational techniques I have learnt that can help to improve my communication with women, but when I am actually in a social situation talking to a girl I find myself forgetting much of it

A good case in point would be this past Thursday. It was my uncle's birthday and he was hosting drinks at a local pub. I decided I would come along. I didn't know who would be there, though I suspected there would be people I knew present. Now whenever I find myself arriving at an organised social or walking into a party, I cannot help but appear a little apprehensive, for the simple reason that I don't know exactly what the logistics will be like on arrival. Who's going to be there? Will they be standing, mingling around or sitting in a circle round the table? Who will be the first person I know who will spot me arriving? These were all uncertainties I had on Thursday. Now I wasn't worried about any of these things, I was actually very relaxed about it all. Nevertheless, when I walked into the pub, these were the things I was looking for when looking to see my uncle and his friends. So I entered in, turned round the corner and sure enough I saw my uncle and some friends sitting around a table. I then had to spend a minute or so digesting the situation - OK, so this person's here, that person's here, is that so-and-so? are these people part of the group? All these little things. Whilst I am digesting the situation, trying to say Hello to people, an attractive girl who was in the group who I'd met a few times before said Hello to be, and said "are you OK?" or something of that nature and I said "yes, I'm justy taking a minute to digest this, see who's here" or words to that effect. The point is, in having to digest the situation, it seems that I cannot help but display slightly uncomfortable body language, which can be misinterpreted. I wish I could go up confidently to everyone and say 'Hi' making good eye contact, but I just can't do that in this type of situation.

Now as I chatted to the girl I mentioned and to other people, I did get some things right. I managed to incorporate a few conversational techniques I have learnt which help the interaction, but I often feel frustrated that I can never say anything that will trigger attraction, or make the girls laugh. Girls may think I'm a nice person and consider it a decent conversation but I just cannot create any sparks or make it feel special in any way. And I find myself forgetting so many things that I've learnt and can remember when I am at home on my own.

I wasn't trying to target any patricular person at this social, and I am trying to move away from targeting certain girls and focusing on displaying attractive qualities to everyone. My aim is to be able to come across to everyone as confident and socially attractive and for girls to be able to look upon me as potential boyfriend material rather than I guy who lacks a bit of confidence and may need a bit of a boost.

How does one find a relationship if they cannot display such characteristics, or appear nervous? I think of certain older married men who display a shy, retiring, personality, and think "How Ever Did They Find Their Wives!?"  It seems strange to me how the majority of men are able to find relationships and can trigger attraction with at least one woman and have an interaction that is more than just a 'nice conversation.' It leads me to the question sometimes - is there such a way I can find a relationship with a girl that would bypass the attraction phase?


  1. Where did you hear those three supposed core attraction triggers? I've read my fair share of dating advice and I've never heard those before.

  2. Attraction triggers is a phrase I came across in the e-books of the guy who has been coaching me - just means those things you may say or do that help to trigger a feeling of attraction in a girl's mind.