Problems finding a girlfriend and possible solutions

Sunday, 23 October 2022

Problems finding a girlfriend and possible solutions

I've had a bit of a down day today. This area of dating and meeting someone special is something I am DESPERATE to get sorted but there seems to be no solution. I feel STUCK. I went for a walk and tried to analyse the problem.

I drafted up on a Notepad document the PROBLEMS and POSSILE SOLUTIONS to my (lack of) dating dilemma.

Problems 1. I have accumulated several good friends and a large social circle, and I am meeting with friends in one context or another several times a week. However, at this present moment this social circle does not contain any eligible single women, and the places we go to when out, are not generally conducive to meeting new single women. 2. There is one environment in particular I go into where I am meeting women of the right age who are single, which is salsa dancing classes and event. However in this context I go on my own, I don't have any real friends who are there with me, just mere acquaintances that I may see regularly at most. It is not easy to get into a conversation with people at salsa, as there's loud music playing and people are there to dance and talk. 3. As a result, I have no place where I get any support/feedback from friends hinting if a certain girl is interested, or how I should go about getting to know them or asking them out. 4. I have tried online dating and it is a laborious chore. I struggle to 'sell' myself and have to send messages to women who I probably have little in common with and, rarely get replies and if I do it always dries up quickly. I've tried it and its both difficult, bording, and is not working as an avenue to meet women. 5. I cannot do flirting and banter, which is all part of online dating and messaging. I had coaching ten years ago and tried to learn, but it just does not come naturally and its me pretending to be something I am not. Teaching me flirting and banter skills is like teaching someone with no natural musical ability to play an instrument. 6. I do have a sense of humour, however it doesn't generally slip into conversations, but has to be explained, and while my best friends love my humour, most new people will find it wierd. 7. In general, when I might meet a woman who happens to be single, its hard to know how to transition from saying 'Hello' to finding out if they are single, their current dating situation, then knowing when its appropriate to ask them out, without going in too early. 8. I am a very honest and straight talking individual. However my having genuine difficulties in the area of dating, expressing those difficulties and the desire to be chased instead can in itself be a turn off when part of the attraction comes from you having options and interest from women. 9. Occasionally I think of a creative solution to my problem i.e. business cards, however I am constantly told these will backfire! Possible solutions: 1. A professional matchmaker who can find me dates with people they know are ready for a relationship 2. Friends to introduce me to any suitable women, or to find places, environments whereby I can approach and meet single women, get into a proper conversation, social proof 3. A different type of singles night/environment. Perhaps a quieter night with tables with ice-breaker questions, relating to dating issues, which facilitate genuine conversation and discussion, and can get to know people authentically. And having other close friends in the scene who can help me navigate it. 4. Something TANTERMOUNT to an arranged marriage. Rather than trying to the navigate the dating process through flirting, banter, push-pull, tension, etc once we have established we both like each other enough to 'try out' a relationship both in terms of looks and personality, we move to discuss how we develop it, how often we meet, what we do together, etc. 5. Mail order brides as a last resort attempt.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Hello

I am a man in his late 20's, living in Southern England, working as a clerical assistant in an office, and learning to get through life with Asperger's Syndrome. To those who are unfamiliar, Asperger's Syndrome is a social communication disorder, a mild form of autism. As for me, it is not something that is noticable to most people, and I hope it is in effect a disability which is tantamount to being half deaf in one ear. If your friend is has only 50% hearing in one ear (as one friend of mine has) most of the time you would forget it and you certainly wouldn't regard that person as disabled. There would be occasions though, when you would have to remember they're partially deaf, and allow for the fact they might not always hear you so well. The same is true with having Asperger's. In a straightforward situation when everything is going smoothly, you might as well forget I have Asperger's. However when things get more difficult, particularly in a social setting, the effects of Asperger's Syndrome will become more noticeable. The purpose of this blog is to discuss the issue of social interaction from the perspective of one with Asperger's Syndrome. I by no means am intending to speak for all Asperger's people, but I do hope to enlighten my readers, through my thoughts, observations and experiences, as to some of the struggles and difficulties Asperger's people have in social settings. This is my personal blog so I may occassionally deviate away from the topic to Asperger's Syndrome. Whilst much of what I have written here is very blunt and direct, much of it is also very much related to my thoughts at the time of writing, and in view of a particular situation I find myself in. You cannot guarentee that what Isay in a partcular post reflects how I think of feel about something at all times. I have decided to keep my indentity anonymous, and names of individuals have been changed to protect their identities too. That said, I would delighted to see people get in touch with me. I really would love to make this an interactive blog with two way communication between myself and my readers, and if anyone wants to get to know me better, especially people from Southern England, I will be especially pleased to hear from you. I am happy to reveal my identity to some people, just not everyone who browses this site on the world wide web.