I am not suggesting these are my views and my apologiese go to anyone in the military who may be offended. Just watch this from a child's perspective and you'll be alright.
Monday, 30 May 2011
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Social Skills I am Trying to Put into Practice
I think the reason why I haven't posted anything here for a month is because I've been too busy socialising and haven't had the time to analyse every occasion and report on it! Over the past month or so I have been to several good organised socials and other social events where I have had the opportunities to interact with some attrative women.
Now having read a number of articles online and an e-book about how to build attraction with women and demonstrate those so-called 'alpha-male' characteristics that attract women, I have been wanting to put those principles into practice. Now I don't go and do exactly what a book says, but I like to take the key principles it advocates and apply them in such a way that suits both the type of social occassion and my personality. What I often find is that whilst I may know some of the theory, I cannot put it into practice on the spot.
One thing I am trying to do is to comment on things such as the woman's clothes, or style or bag, or any other observations. Friendly, kind comment obviously, and nothing suggestive of course. Another thing I am trying to do is to make statements about myself and what I have been doing that will help them to view me as one with high social status (I've mentioned the car journey in my last post a few times) and arouse some curisity, by telling them only part of a story and leaving them wanting to know more. One thing I have learnt is that, just as in job interviews where one can put a spin on their previous work experience making it out to be a higher level than it really is i.e. by refering to something significant they did in the previous job, making it appear as if they did that regularly when in reality they only did it once, one can put a spin on their social life highlighting those few occassions that would make me appear to be off high social status, when in reality such occassions aer few and far between.
However, I still find myself dealing with awkward silences. One thing I often notice when in a conversation with two or more people who I don't know particularly well, is that the other two people end up doing most of the conversation and subtly I become the one on the sidelines. I'm the one trying to keep up.
Before social events, I often 'revise' first on my notes from things I have read about socialising and attracting women. Bear in mind that at events life organised socials, I'm not there to 'pull' and no-one else is supposed to be, but nonetheless I do want to display those traits that are attractive to women and show myself to be a confident, datable, male. However after 'revising' I often find my stumbling block is operating within the context of the conversations I find myself in or developing. That the reason why I often find public speaking easier than mingling - when speaking in front of a group I have full control over the context. Problems arise when the context is based around something you don' know much about - and that could be a countless number of things. I'm thinking the best way to deal with that is to observe how people who are strong socially deal with such a situation, and follow their example.
Needless to say, I am still practicing, and trying to gain experience in some way every weekend, if not during the week as well
Now having read a number of articles online and an e-book about how to build attraction with women and demonstrate those so-called 'alpha-male' characteristics that attract women, I have been wanting to put those principles into practice. Now I don't go and do exactly what a book says, but I like to take the key principles it advocates and apply them in such a way that suits both the type of social occassion and my personality. What I often find is that whilst I may know some of the theory, I cannot put it into practice on the spot.
One thing I am trying to do is to comment on things such as the woman's clothes, or style or bag, or any other observations. Friendly, kind comment obviously, and nothing suggestive of course. Another thing I am trying to do is to make statements about myself and what I have been doing that will help them to view me as one with high social status (I've mentioned the car journey in my last post a few times) and arouse some curisity, by telling them only part of a story and leaving them wanting to know more. One thing I have learnt is that, just as in job interviews where one can put a spin on their previous work experience making it out to be a higher level than it really is i.e. by refering to something significant they did in the previous job, making it appear as if they did that regularly when in reality they only did it once, one can put a spin on their social life highlighting those few occassions that would make me appear to be off high social status, when in reality such occassions aer few and far between.
However, I still find myself dealing with awkward silences. One thing I often notice when in a conversation with two or more people who I don't know particularly well, is that the other two people end up doing most of the conversation and subtly I become the one on the sidelines. I'm the one trying to keep up.
Before social events, I often 'revise' first on my notes from things I have read about socialising and attracting women. Bear in mind that at events life organised socials, I'm not there to 'pull' and no-one else is supposed to be, but nonetheless I do want to display those traits that are attractive to women and show myself to be a confident, datable, male. However after 'revising' I often find my stumbling block is operating within the context of the conversations I find myself in or developing. That the reason why I often find public speaking easier than mingling - when speaking in front of a group I have full control over the context. Problems arise when the context is based around something you don' know much about - and that could be a countless number of things. I'm thinking the best way to deal with that is to observe how people who are strong socially deal with such a situation, and follow their example.
Needless to say, I am still practicing, and trying to gain experience in some way every weekend, if not during the week as well
Saturday, 23 April 2011
A Night Out With The Girlies
Last Saturady night I found myself in a situation that some people might envoy, and others might find decidedly awkward. I ended up being on a night out in town with a group of girls and being the only man in our group. One of the girls who is on my course at college decided to organise a night out, a few men were going to come but they didn't turn up in the end. Unfortunately all the girls were attached in some way
The girl organising sent everyone an email suggesting that we either come to her house or meet up in town. I thought about what to do and decided it was easier to go to her place first. I was the first to arrive, and a bunch of girls arrived soon after. Now I have read and watched many video clips about talking to women, and know quite a few of the principles. However when I find myself in a situation with an opportunity to put such things into practice, my mind tends to go blank and the best I can do is the usual mundane types of conversations.
For instance, I know one thing that is always key is being able to make girls laugh. However, my mind doesn't naturally think of funny things to say, as this normally involves instantanously having to connect a number of unrelated dots on the spot. If I try, it normally is not understood as a joke and it doesn't work.
Now I said this situation of being the only man with a bunch of girls can either be a fantastic situation or be awkward and difficult. Which way it is depends on how you manage to interact with the girls. For a man who knows how to take a lead in a conversation, mak the girls laugh, appear as strong and confident and demonstrate masculine traits, it can be fantastic. For someone who is not this way, the situation can be awkward, because benig the odd one out can make it difficult to engage in conversations, especially when they divert on to girly subjects, and you don't necessary feel that welcome.
Now on this occassion, as with any social situation, I do my best to try to appear attractive. I put on nice clothing, made sure my hair was tidy and used a bit of aftershave. I try to remain calm, not twitching too much, trying to look confident and not needy in any way, and to make good conversation, trying to show an interest in others and be positive.
However oftentimes, especially with an all-female group, the conversation veers in a direction that is not favourable, such an on girly subjects. I would be interested to know how the very confident, so-called 'alpha males' handly this, or maybe it never happens when they're around. This took place for a while in the house, and my best approach was to keep calm, show what intersted I could. When I felt there was a window of opportunity I would engage the girls on a subject, by asking for a femail view on something. On this occassion I asked three girls that were sitting on the opposite sofa, what I should make of a girl who's words and actions contradict each other. I don't know whether this is a good way to engage with the opposit sex, but I feel that anything that generates interest has some value.
The most interesting thing about the night was the car journey to the club. One of the ladies volunteered to drive us. There were five girls and me all crammed into a Vauxhall Astra. The larger girl sat in the front seat and the rest of us were crammed in the back, with some of the girls laynig down on the three os us' laps, trying to keep her head down so that she is not seen by any policemen. It was a fun journey, but the main thing I appreciated about it was that events like this give you good talking points for future socials.
We arrived at the club, and again I tried to look confident. If I wasn't sure what to say or do, my best policy is to look calm and confident and keep quiet, that way at least you are probably not scoring any positive or negative points in the social stakes.
All in all, it was a slightly unusual night but I did enjoy it. Being out with a bunch of girls was a useful experience and hopefully I;ve learnt something from it.
The girl organising sent everyone an email suggesting that we either come to her house or meet up in town. I thought about what to do and decided it was easier to go to her place first. I was the first to arrive, and a bunch of girls arrived soon after. Now I have read and watched many video clips about talking to women, and know quite a few of the principles. However when I find myself in a situation with an opportunity to put such things into practice, my mind tends to go blank and the best I can do is the usual mundane types of conversations.
For instance, I know one thing that is always key is being able to make girls laugh. However, my mind doesn't naturally think of funny things to say, as this normally involves instantanously having to connect a number of unrelated dots on the spot. If I try, it normally is not understood as a joke and it doesn't work.
Now I said this situation of being the only man with a bunch of girls can either be a fantastic situation or be awkward and difficult. Which way it is depends on how you manage to interact with the girls. For a man who knows how to take a lead in a conversation, mak the girls laugh, appear as strong and confident and demonstrate masculine traits, it can be fantastic. For someone who is not this way, the situation can be awkward, because benig the odd one out can make it difficult to engage in conversations, especially when they divert on to girly subjects, and you don't necessary feel that welcome.
Now on this occassion, as with any social situation, I do my best to try to appear attractive. I put on nice clothing, made sure my hair was tidy and used a bit of aftershave. I try to remain calm, not twitching too much, trying to look confident and not needy in any way, and to make good conversation, trying to show an interest in others and be positive.
However oftentimes, especially with an all-female group, the conversation veers in a direction that is not favourable, such an on girly subjects. I would be interested to know how the very confident, so-called 'alpha males' handly this, or maybe it never happens when they're around. This took place for a while in the house, and my best approach was to keep calm, show what intersted I could. When I felt there was a window of opportunity I would engage the girls on a subject, by asking for a femail view on something. On this occassion I asked three girls that were sitting on the opposite sofa, what I should make of a girl who's words and actions contradict each other. I don't know whether this is a good way to engage with the opposit sex, but I feel that anything that generates interest has some value.
The most interesting thing about the night was the car journey to the club. One of the ladies volunteered to drive us. There were five girls and me all crammed into a Vauxhall Astra. The larger girl sat in the front seat and the rest of us were crammed in the back, with some of the girls laynig down on the three os us' laps, trying to keep her head down so that she is not seen by any policemen. It was a fun journey, but the main thing I appreciated about it was that events like this give you good talking points for future socials.
We arrived at the club, and again I tried to look confident. If I wasn't sure what to say or do, my best policy is to look calm and confident and keep quiet, that way at least you are probably not scoring any positive or negative points in the social stakes.
All in all, it was a slightly unusual night but I did enjoy it. Being out with a bunch of girls was a useful experience and hopefully I;ve learnt something from it.
Thursday, 14 April 2011
The Need for Chemistry in a Relationship
On Sunday evening I was talking with Hannah who I've known for about four years, and who I tried hard to go out with a couple fo years ago. To give you some background information: When I first knew Hannah I initially wasn't sure about her, but there was a time in late 2008 where I thought she was giving signals to suggest she was interested in me (flicking her hair once, telling me personal stories without me asking a thing) bearing in mind she is a very shy girl. She agreed to meet up with me for a coffee in January 2009, we aranged a second date a month later but it never happened due to a mix up in the place we agreed to meet up. After that I found she didn't seem quite so keen on me for a while. After much thought and discussion with friends and family, I wrote her a note in April 2009 sealed in a stamped address envelope to gently ask her if she would be interested in a relationship. She replied with a 'no' reply. Due to circumstances I didn't see much of her in the six months that followed. But I remember in October that year there were one or two occassions when her body language seemed to be warming up again, and this has been the case at times since, although not consistantly.
Sunday Evening's Conversation
Moving forward, when I was chatting to Hannah she was in a much brighter and livelier mood than usual. Normally it can be hard work keeping the conversation going with her (thats with anyone not just me) but on this occassion she was really showing an interest in me and the things I was doing, asking me some questions. This isn't an absolute first, as she has had odd bursts when she comes out of her shell. Now I have recently grown a beard which seems to be suiting me. The first thing Hannah said when I saw her was that she really liked me beard. Her body language was very warm, she was leaning towards me with her arm leaning in my direction.
What really caught my attention was that she told me she had gained in confidence recently and she said she wanted to find a nice gentleman 'but I know that's not easy' (refering to things she's heard me talk about subsequent to me trying to date her) and 'well you're a nice gentleman but....' and she seemed to get carried away before saying 'oh I don't know why I'm going into all this' and then I kind of halted that part of the conversation too. Hannah then told me she gets obsessive about things and has had many disasters in her life, but that she had made a resolutino to be more positive and change her ways. I tried to flirt with her a bit afer that. The conversation went on for a bit....
Chemistry
What was significant about this conversation is that lasted for about 10 minutes or so, is that I felt there was real chemistry between us, and because of her warm body language it felt like the chemistry was mutual. The reason for this I think, is that Hannah and I come from similar backgrounds. Our family homes could not have been more stable, no divorces etc, but we've both struggled socially and haven't developed at the same rate as others. As a result I think we can relate to each other quite well. With the vast majority of girls that I meet and get to know a bit, I am able to get along alright, but it would never go beyond a surface level, and hardly ever, if ever has there been any real chemistry between myself and a girl. I don't think I have ever felt any chemistry between myself and a girl until Sunday night.
Whilst I am still thinking about how to approach this particular situation, this occassion made me think of a few things. One of my problems is perhaps that my unusual social background (stable family but delayed social development) and general approach to life means I cannot relate to many girls beyond a surface level, which seems necessary for any relationship to develop, and hence, there is no real chemistry between us. It would be very hard for a conversation to move into more intimate and emotionally charged territory. I can think of several couples who have got together because of some common shared experience. In one case both partners had been affected by a car accident in different ways. In other both partners come from adopted parents and don't know their biological Mum's (or something along those lines). In such cases the common backgrounds or experiences is what helped produce the chemistry and allowed a relationship to develop. Now I'll leave this post with just one question to ponder and perhaps answer in the comments section:
How does someone with a very unusual background that few can relate to, do to find someone whereby there will be some chemistry in the relationship?
Sunday Evening's Conversation
Moving forward, when I was chatting to Hannah she was in a much brighter and livelier mood than usual. Normally it can be hard work keeping the conversation going with her (thats with anyone not just me) but on this occassion she was really showing an interest in me and the things I was doing, asking me some questions. This isn't an absolute first, as she has had odd bursts when she comes out of her shell. Now I have recently grown a beard which seems to be suiting me. The first thing Hannah said when I saw her was that she really liked me beard. Her body language was very warm, she was leaning towards me with her arm leaning in my direction.
What really caught my attention was that she told me she had gained in confidence recently and she said she wanted to find a nice gentleman 'but I know that's not easy' (refering to things she's heard me talk about subsequent to me trying to date her) and 'well you're a nice gentleman but....' and she seemed to get carried away before saying 'oh I don't know why I'm going into all this' and then I kind of halted that part of the conversation too. Hannah then told me she gets obsessive about things and has had many disasters in her life, but that she had made a resolutino to be more positive and change her ways. I tried to flirt with her a bit afer that. The conversation went on for a bit....
Chemistry
What was significant about this conversation is that lasted for about 10 minutes or so, is that I felt there was real chemistry between us, and because of her warm body language it felt like the chemistry was mutual. The reason for this I think, is that Hannah and I come from similar backgrounds. Our family homes could not have been more stable, no divorces etc, but we've both struggled socially and haven't developed at the same rate as others. As a result I think we can relate to each other quite well. With the vast majority of girls that I meet and get to know a bit, I am able to get along alright, but it would never go beyond a surface level, and hardly ever, if ever has there been any real chemistry between myself and a girl. I don't think I have ever felt any chemistry between myself and a girl until Sunday night.
Whilst I am still thinking about how to approach this particular situation, this occassion made me think of a few things. One of my problems is perhaps that my unusual social background (stable family but delayed social development) and general approach to life means I cannot relate to many girls beyond a surface level, which seems necessary for any relationship to develop, and hence, there is no real chemistry between us. It would be very hard for a conversation to move into more intimate and emotionally charged territory. I can think of several couples who have got together because of some common shared experience. In one case both partners had been affected by a car accident in different ways. In other both partners come from adopted parents and don't know their biological Mum's (or something along those lines). In such cases the common backgrounds or experiences is what helped produce the chemistry and allowed a relationship to develop. Now I'll leave this post with just one question to ponder and perhaps answer in the comments section:
How does someone with a very unusual background that few can relate to, do to find someone whereby there will be some chemistry in the relationship?
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Review of My Organised Social
This past weekend has been a strange one in a way. It was made up with many fairly dull hours, but there were two separate occurances on Saturday and Sunday that were quite exciting.
What was perhaps most interesting about the night was the train journeys there and back. On the way there, I was sittnig behind a group of ladies on a hen night. It was interesting to overhear they're conversation. I managed to make a little bit of conversation with them, and at one stage one of them was taking photos of the girls. After taking several photos she jokingly pointed the camera in my direction. With two very attractive girls on the seats in front of me, I thought I'd take the initiative by saynig "you can if you like" and then standing up with my arms round these two girls. I gave them my name so they can tag me on FaceBook. Needless to say, when that photo is uploaded, they'll be some interesting comments from my friends!
I arrived at vthe venue for the organised social quite early, and was the first person to arrive at our reserved area of the pub, apart from the host, who was a new lady, about 26 and quite attractive. Being the first person to arrive made the first 10 or so minutes of the social before anyone else came, feel a bit like a date. As a whole this social was just unremarkable. Nothing very exciting, but nothing too embarrising either. I felt fairly tired, but we were sat on cosy leather sofas for the first bit so that wasn't too much of a problem.
One of the attractions about organised socials is that sometimes they arrange for the group to have free entry into a club afterwards. This happened on Saturday. I was feeling rather tired but it was only 10:00 so I thought I'd see what the club was like, and stayed there for probably just over an hour before leaving. The music was loud, and I didn't buy a drink because the bar was so croweded when we arrived that I couldn't see what was on offer and it was too awkward. Being such as loud place made me wonder how anyone can seriously get to know a girl in that environment. On the other hand, with the place being so crowded you were bumping into people anyway, and getting from one place to another would often involve brushing past many attractive women (there was quite a lot more girls than men there) without it being an issue. So from that perspective I can see how relationships could start there (if you keep your mobile's on).
The journey home was quite interesting too. Near me no the train were a bunch of people in their late teens/early 20's. Now often when I see a group of people like this hanging around and get to hear the conversations, as it was on this occassion, I can see exactly why I just couldn't fit in with my peers. It's hard to pinpoint what it is about their interactions, but the things I noticed were a rather casual approach to relationships, them not really knowing what their plans were for the night (arguing about it on the train), and what I may consider a rather sloppy, less than formidable use of language. Not slang, but rather the use of these modern words and expressions that appear to have been invented by teenagers. The only language I've ever known is standard English, to me it's far easier and more straight forward than any other version of the English language and it makes you sound more intelligent and credable. Hopefully in due course I will be able to give more detailed or better observations on such kinds of people, that will demonstrate to my readers more accurately why I simply didn't fit in. But for now these are my observations.
What was perhaps most interesting about the night was the train journeys there and back. On the way there, I was sittnig behind a group of ladies on a hen night. It was interesting to overhear they're conversation. I managed to make a little bit of conversation with them, and at one stage one of them was taking photos of the girls. After taking several photos she jokingly pointed the camera in my direction. With two very attractive girls on the seats in front of me, I thought I'd take the initiative by saynig "you can if you like" and then standing up with my arms round these two girls. I gave them my name so they can tag me on FaceBook. Needless to say, when that photo is uploaded, they'll be some interesting comments from my friends!
I arrived at vthe venue for the organised social quite early, and was the first person to arrive at our reserved area of the pub, apart from the host, who was a new lady, about 26 and quite attractive. Being the first person to arrive made the first 10 or so minutes of the social before anyone else came, feel a bit like a date. As a whole this social was just unremarkable. Nothing very exciting, but nothing too embarrising either. I felt fairly tired, but we were sat on cosy leather sofas for the first bit so that wasn't too much of a problem.
One of the attractions about organised socials is that sometimes they arrange for the group to have free entry into a club afterwards. This happened on Saturday. I was feeling rather tired but it was only 10:00 so I thought I'd see what the club was like, and stayed there for probably just over an hour before leaving. The music was loud, and I didn't buy a drink because the bar was so croweded when we arrived that I couldn't see what was on offer and it was too awkward. Being such as loud place made me wonder how anyone can seriously get to know a girl in that environment. On the other hand, with the place being so crowded you were bumping into people anyway, and getting from one place to another would often involve brushing past many attractive women (there was quite a lot more girls than men there) without it being an issue. So from that perspective I can see how relationships could start there (if you keep your mobile's on).
The journey home was quite interesting too. Near me no the train were a bunch of people in their late teens/early 20's. Now often when I see a group of people like this hanging around and get to hear the conversations, as it was on this occassion, I can see exactly why I just couldn't fit in with my peers. It's hard to pinpoint what it is about their interactions, but the things I noticed were a rather casual approach to relationships, them not really knowing what their plans were for the night (arguing about it on the train), and what I may consider a rather sloppy, less than formidable use of language. Not slang, but rather the use of these modern words and expressions that appear to have been invented by teenagers. The only language I've ever known is standard English, to me it's far easier and more straight forward than any other version of the English language and it makes you sound more intelligent and credable. Hopefully in due course I will be able to give more detailed or better observations on such kinds of people, that will demonstrate to my readers more accurately why I simply didn't fit in. But for now these are my observations.
Sunday, 20 March 2011
An Asperger's Man Goes Paintballing
Yesterday I did went paintballing. A friend decided to organise a piantballing day and booked a number of tickets. I wasn't sure whether to go at first. I was nervous about doing an activity which has the potential to cause a degree of hurt and potential injury, especially as I did not know exactly how paintballing worked, apart from the fact that you're shooting at each other with guns loaded with paint dressed in a safety outfit. However I was definitely keen on the social element of the day. Most importantly I knew that it would give me something to talk about in the future, something that might help me to relate to other young people better and help me not to become old before my time. I have learnt over the years that to succeed socially it is best to say 'yes' to as many new experiences and opportunities as possible (within reason), as it broadens your perspective on life and enables you to join in more conversations and share your experience.
I was picked up by a friend at 7:30am, very early for me to be up on a Saturday morning. Usually I overprepare myself for things. However on this occasion, for some reason I thought this was just a morning activity. When I heard in the car that this was an eight hour day I was a little nervous as I hadn't brought any lunch with me, and that's something I like to be in control of.
The Feeling of Weakness
Another thing that made me nervous before the event and made me anxious early on in the day is finding myself in the weak position of not really knowing what I am supposed to be doing. When this happens, I am liable to feel like I am retreating back into the 'special needs' zone which I have been battling to move away from, needing help from others in understanding what's happening, highlighting my weaknesses and feeling vulnerable towards someone saying something that I may find humiliating. Although I survived the day unscathed, both physically and emotionally, I did find myself feeling a little lost after getting out of the car and arriving, knowing where to fill out our registration forms, where to post them, where to get out safety clothes and equipment, what I needed, having to ask people lots of questions etc. However I got through it well enough managnig to pull of a level of competence, and fortunately the venue sold pizzas so my lunch was sorted too.
The Paintballing Itself
Another thing I was nervous about was if I was going to make any serious mistake and unwittingly break any of the rules and get told off, which would be an enormous humiliation which would have shock me for the rest of the day. I was a little anxious after reading the consent form which made a reference to the rules and dangers involved (don't hold us liable, you paintball at your own risk etc). At about 10:00am once everybody was ready and had been put into teams, we were all called for a brief introduction explaining what was going to happen and presented with the rules. Listening to the instructors shout loudly with strong warnings about breaking rules gave me memories of uncomfortable moments of doing large games events in my school days, the kinds of things I tended to opt out of.
The most nervous part of the day was when we first left the 'safe zone' and walked into the 'danger zone' with our helmits in place, collecting out guns. The sound of guns being fired, as we were being directed to the area of our first game, got me in a bit of a panic, and I felt on the verge of saying that I cannot cope, and walking back to sit out of the games. However I did my best to listen to the instructions and managed to somehow play along, surviving the first game.
It must be noted that I wasn't aware exactly how the day would be organised until around about this point, when I realised it would be made up of several games with two teams playing against each other, lasting around fifteen mintues.
One problem I had was understanding the games and the rules and object of the game. It was explained in about two minutes without any demonstration, and I simply was not able to picture the whole thing being done this quickly. One problem was that when you were shot you were supposed to walk towards the 'dead zone,' but this 'dead zone' wasn't marked clearly, the staff pointed to where it was but when you're out on a large battlefield, how can anyone be expected to remember where the dead zone is? Another thing I noticed was how some of the other guys on my team, who I did not know, immidiately after the game was explained, started discussing tactics on how to win the games and where to shoot. How do they digest the rules of the game and visualise it so quickly as to be able to do this?
In the end my game plan was simply to survive the whole experience unsacthed, both physically and emotionally, never mind winning anything. During the games I spent most of my time hidden in the castles or behind trees, tagging along with the friends I had on my team, just trying to look like I had some idea what I was doing, and where possible follow others going to the dead zone when I had (or thought I had) been shot. I couldn't always tell if I had been shot or not, as I couldn't see everything properly with my mask on, but I would give myself the benefit of the doubt if I thought I had, just to make life easier for me. Hearing the combination of bullets being fired and instructors shouting instructions from a distance during the games made me feel a little uneasy.
An irony I found was that we were told not to shoot anyone in the face. However in most of the games opposing teams were facing each other so you couldn't aim for their backs, and you were too far away to avoid their face or be able to target anything really (maybe that's due to my lack of any shooting experience - we don't have the 2nd ammendment in the UK).
However it was not a bad day my any means. It was a positive day socially, as doing these kinds of activities helps you to interact with others more easily, despite the fact you couldn't idenify people so easily with masks on. But the most important thing I got from it was the knowledge and experience gained from paintballing that will hopefully lead to more conversation opportunities and a greater awareness of such things. If I go again I would be much less nervous and far better prepared for the day. But would I go paintballing again? Maybe if someone give me a big enough incentive to do so....
I was picked up by a friend at 7:30am, very early for me to be up on a Saturday morning. Usually I overprepare myself for things. However on this occasion, for some reason I thought this was just a morning activity. When I heard in the car that this was an eight hour day I was a little nervous as I hadn't brought any lunch with me, and that's something I like to be in control of.
The Feeling of Weakness
Another thing that made me nervous before the event and made me anxious early on in the day is finding myself in the weak position of not really knowing what I am supposed to be doing. When this happens, I am liable to feel like I am retreating back into the 'special needs' zone which I have been battling to move away from, needing help from others in understanding what's happening, highlighting my weaknesses and feeling vulnerable towards someone saying something that I may find humiliating. Although I survived the day unscathed, both physically and emotionally, I did find myself feeling a little lost after getting out of the car and arriving, knowing where to fill out our registration forms, where to post them, where to get out safety clothes and equipment, what I needed, having to ask people lots of questions etc. However I got through it well enough managnig to pull of a level of competence, and fortunately the venue sold pizzas so my lunch was sorted too.
The Paintballing Itself
Another thing I was nervous about was if I was going to make any serious mistake and unwittingly break any of the rules and get told off, which would be an enormous humiliation which would have shock me for the rest of the day. I was a little anxious after reading the consent form which made a reference to the rules and dangers involved (don't hold us liable, you paintball at your own risk etc). At about 10:00am once everybody was ready and had been put into teams, we were all called for a brief introduction explaining what was going to happen and presented with the rules. Listening to the instructors shout loudly with strong warnings about breaking rules gave me memories of uncomfortable moments of doing large games events in my school days, the kinds of things I tended to opt out of.
The most nervous part of the day was when we first left the 'safe zone' and walked into the 'danger zone' with our helmits in place, collecting out guns. The sound of guns being fired, as we were being directed to the area of our first game, got me in a bit of a panic, and I felt on the verge of saying that I cannot cope, and walking back to sit out of the games. However I did my best to listen to the instructions and managed to somehow play along, surviving the first game.
It must be noted that I wasn't aware exactly how the day would be organised until around about this point, when I realised it would be made up of several games with two teams playing against each other, lasting around fifteen mintues.
One problem I had was understanding the games and the rules and object of the game. It was explained in about two minutes without any demonstration, and I simply was not able to picture the whole thing being done this quickly. One problem was that when you were shot you were supposed to walk towards the 'dead zone,' but this 'dead zone' wasn't marked clearly, the staff pointed to where it was but when you're out on a large battlefield, how can anyone be expected to remember where the dead zone is? Another thing I noticed was how some of the other guys on my team, who I did not know, immidiately after the game was explained, started discussing tactics on how to win the games and where to shoot. How do they digest the rules of the game and visualise it so quickly as to be able to do this?
In the end my game plan was simply to survive the whole experience unsacthed, both physically and emotionally, never mind winning anything. During the games I spent most of my time hidden in the castles or behind trees, tagging along with the friends I had on my team, just trying to look like I had some idea what I was doing, and where possible follow others going to the dead zone when I had (or thought I had) been shot. I couldn't always tell if I had been shot or not, as I couldn't see everything properly with my mask on, but I would give myself the benefit of the doubt if I thought I had, just to make life easier for me. Hearing the combination of bullets being fired and instructors shouting instructions from a distance during the games made me feel a little uneasy.
An irony I found was that we were told not to shoot anyone in the face. However in most of the games opposing teams were facing each other so you couldn't aim for their backs, and you were too far away to avoid their face or be able to target anything really (maybe that's due to my lack of any shooting experience - we don't have the 2nd ammendment in the UK).
However it was not a bad day my any means. It was a positive day socially, as doing these kinds of activities helps you to interact with others more easily, despite the fact you couldn't idenify people so easily with masks on. But the most important thing I got from it was the knowledge and experience gained from paintballing that will hopefully lead to more conversation opportunities and a greater awareness of such things. If I go again I would be much less nervous and far better prepared for the day. But would I go paintballing again? Maybe if someone give me a big enough incentive to do so....
Saturday, 12 March 2011
Review of an Organised Social: This One Was A Real Let-Down
I am not feeling too good right now. I was really looking forward to going to an organised social tonight, especially after having read such a helpful e-book on talking to girls. I was hoping to have a chance to put some of what I had read into practice, and had my notes I devised with me on the back of an envelope in my coat pocket. I was feeling optimistic on the train, not terribly energetic, but looking forward to the night.
It was quite a long walk to the bar from the station. It was raining and I had my umbrella with me, and I was a little tired when I reached the venue. There were fourteen people due to attend this social, including some I was really looking forward to seeing. However I walked into the pub, which was a small, cramped venue, and I found our table that had been reserved for us was situated in the back corner. I had to excuse myself in walking to meet our group, and at this point I was not so optiminstic. The social was due to start at 8:00pm, and by the time I had arrived it was at least 8:20pm. Out of the forteen people due to attend, there were only four people there, and they weren't people I was particularly keen to socialise with. Being in their 40s and 50s, they also looked like the oldest in the pub as well. As I mentioned in a previous post, there are times when I want to avoid a social situation simply because its too much effort.
So I found myself stuck in a cramped corner with four middle-aged people I didn't really want to socialise with (please note I have some great middle-aged and older friends so I am not ageist its more that these were not people I really was drawn to or felt like hanging out with). I waited for a while, wondering whether to buy a drink (that would involve excusing myself through an obstable course of people to get to the bar) or whether I should just leave this social and find something better to do. The music was also loud and I couldn't hear people too well, which added to the effort involved.
I put my mobile on, pretended to make a few texts etc, and really wanted to find some excuse for leaving this social, I was wondering if other people would turn out, but couldn't see any signs of it and I even wondered if they would find us stuck in the back corner. After about 10 minutes, I said to the other guys, excuse me, almost pretending I had a problem that I needed to deal with. I went to the bar and was hoping to chat up a few girls there, but when you are tired, and when the place is loud and busy, you just cannot think straight or think about what to say and find your right moment to approach. The bar was crammed full of people, so I decided to leave the venue. I thought about going elsewhere for a while and coming back to see who else might be there, but because of the location of the pub that wasn't too easy, so instead I walked back in the direction of the station.
It was raining harder now and I was losing my bearings. A man who looked homeless approached me. His right eye was stitched up and he said he'd just had some accident that he said had made him blind in one eye. His appearance was a little distressing, but he said he needed a small bit of money to buy some food. On this occassion I felt I ought to help, so I gave him a £2 coin. I then proceeded to walk back to the station, trying to find my bearings, taking advantage of this my asking a few girls for directions periodically, getting a bit of practice in approaching girls. There was another organised social taking place at the other end of the town and I thought about trying to go along to that, but as I was feeling tired and with my socks getting damp in the rain, I decided to head back off to the station for an early exit back home. I very much felt like a man with Asperger's Syndrome at this point, walking back on my own to the station whilst seeing so many people around having a great night, feeling somewhat like I am not fitting in.
All in all a very frustrating and disappointing evening. For some reason I am keen to find opportunities to try to chat up women, and possibly find a girl the hard way. I feel after years of delayed social development, I am finally becoming able to do things I couldn't do when I was in nmy early twenties. But sometimes it gets frustrating finding the right means and places to do this.
Well at least after a bad day I can blog about it...
It was quite a long walk to the bar from the station. It was raining and I had my umbrella with me, and I was a little tired when I reached the venue. There were fourteen people due to attend this social, including some I was really looking forward to seeing. However I walked into the pub, which was a small, cramped venue, and I found our table that had been reserved for us was situated in the back corner. I had to excuse myself in walking to meet our group, and at this point I was not so optiminstic. The social was due to start at 8:00pm, and by the time I had arrived it was at least 8:20pm. Out of the forteen people due to attend, there were only four people there, and they weren't people I was particularly keen to socialise with. Being in their 40s and 50s, they also looked like the oldest in the pub as well. As I mentioned in a previous post, there are times when I want to avoid a social situation simply because its too much effort.
So I found myself stuck in a cramped corner with four middle-aged people I didn't really want to socialise with (please note I have some great middle-aged and older friends so I am not ageist its more that these were not people I really was drawn to or felt like hanging out with). I waited for a while, wondering whether to buy a drink (that would involve excusing myself through an obstable course of people to get to the bar) or whether I should just leave this social and find something better to do. The music was also loud and I couldn't hear people too well, which added to the effort involved.
I put my mobile on, pretended to make a few texts etc, and really wanted to find some excuse for leaving this social, I was wondering if other people would turn out, but couldn't see any signs of it and I even wondered if they would find us stuck in the back corner. After about 10 minutes, I said to the other guys, excuse me, almost pretending I had a problem that I needed to deal with. I went to the bar and was hoping to chat up a few girls there, but when you are tired, and when the place is loud and busy, you just cannot think straight or think about what to say and find your right moment to approach. The bar was crammed full of people, so I decided to leave the venue. I thought about going elsewhere for a while and coming back to see who else might be there, but because of the location of the pub that wasn't too easy, so instead I walked back in the direction of the station.
It was raining harder now and I was losing my bearings. A man who looked homeless approached me. His right eye was stitched up and he said he'd just had some accident that he said had made him blind in one eye. His appearance was a little distressing, but he said he needed a small bit of money to buy some food. On this occassion I felt I ought to help, so I gave him a £2 coin. I then proceeded to walk back to the station, trying to find my bearings, taking advantage of this my asking a few girls for directions periodically, getting a bit of practice in approaching girls. There was another organised social taking place at the other end of the town and I thought about trying to go along to that, but as I was feeling tired and with my socks getting damp in the rain, I decided to head back off to the station for an early exit back home. I very much felt like a man with Asperger's Syndrome at this point, walking back on my own to the station whilst seeing so many people around having a great night, feeling somewhat like I am not fitting in.
All in all a very frustrating and disappointing evening. For some reason I am keen to find opportunities to try to chat up women, and possibly find a girl the hard way. I feel after years of delayed social development, I am finally becoming able to do things I couldn't do when I was in nmy early twenties. But sometimes it gets frustrating finding the right means and places to do this.
Well at least after a bad day I can blog about it...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)