Friday, 5 November 2010

My Three Step Plan for Arranging to Meet Up

In my last post I spoke about devising a plan to try to arrange to meet up with Maria, whom I'd got to know earlier this year on organised socials. Well today I think I have devised my plan.

The background to this situation is that I have already tried the subtle approach of simply sending a Facebook message to suggest we catch up, and I have recieved no reply. And I have decided I will not take a 'No' without a fight! Although I am genuinely not seeking a relationship with Maria, I want to remain in touch as a friend and have her as part of my social life, and have more than just a bit of interaction on Facebook.

Before explaining my three step plan, I wish to explain that whenever I'm trying to develop a closer relationship with a woman, the thing I want to avoid most is not being able to develop the relationship and not have her know that I was intersted. If I am lacking any positive responses, I still want to ensure that the girl knows clearly that I am seeking a relationship with her. I never know whether girls are suspecting that I am trying to develop a relationship, and I certainly do not want to find that the girl would have been prepared to enter a relationship with me, if only she'd known that I was interested.

Now with Maria I have devised a three step plan to try to arrange to meet up with her. I may not end up doing this and find a better approach, so nothing is set in stone. But for now here it goes:

Step 1: Continue to interact on Facebook, including hopefully a bit of online chat, and bring in a few bolder hints that I seriously want to meet up with her. I may say something like "really hope I haven't seen the last of you." It is possible that one or two bolder hints may give rise to a get together in some capacity. But I think it is more likely to act as the warm-up process for Step 2.

Step 2: Right now it is seven weeks till Christmas. In another five to six  weeks it'll be time to send Christmas cards. I will definitely send Maria a Christmas card, probably via Facebook, and if I have not yet managed to see her by then, I will send an accompanying message with it. In my message I will withold from telling her that I have a crush on her or going that far, but I will state very clearly that I am very fond of her. I will explain why, and be quite specific about the ways in which I've enjoyed her company. I will say that I was disappointed not to hear from you last time and I really, really want to meet up, in some capacity or another, one to one or in a larger group, but that I am not looking for a relationship with her and it is not a sexual thing. Maria knows that I am very honest, and I will remind her of that fact, so she remembers to take my words literally (I wish everyone would be honest about their intentions, because dishonesty causes an enormous amount of confusion!)

Step 3: If I get a 'No' type of message from Maria after Step 2, and there remains little prospect of us meeting up, or if I fail to get any reply within about a month say, I will send Maria a link to this blog. Now I am very selective about whom I share this blog with. I share it with my family and a few close friends, but there are some people I would not share it with because having them know all my thoughts could make some situations rather awkward for me. Maria knows nothing about this blog. However one way or another I want to her read it eventually. And if it doesn't look like she's prepared to have me in her social life, it is imperitive that she knows my feelings about her and what I am trying to achieve. Indeed, it may be that by reading this blog, she might think it is so good (don't want to boast but that's what many people think) and she realises what she means to me, that she decides that she really wants to meet up with me and develop a closer friendship after all. She certainly won't forget about me easily!


  1. why don't you just ask her out for a meal? and scrap the three step plan?

  2. Hi Phil. Well I've already tried asking if we could catch up and had no reply. On one particular day that week when I just so happened to be doing things nearby where she lives I text her and suggested meeting for a cup of tea, and she basically said thanks but she had other engagements. So if she is trying to communuicate that she doesn't really want a one-to-one meeting between us, then theres no point asking her for a meal.

    I feel I really need to just explain to her plainly where I'm coming from. I may not go ahead with my three step plan, but as with much of this blog, what I post here very much reflects my feelings at the time of writing.