Thursday, 11 November 2010

Please, Please, Please, Allow Me To Explain Myself

Today I had a conversation with my parents that unfortunately was rather disheartening. Sometimes it really gets to me the fact that as a 28 year old I have never had one girlfriend in my life. When it comes to women, I feel very much like an Older X Factor or American Idol contestant, who is a great singer, yet has tried for years to make it for years in the music industry and has never had their big break.

I have tried a lot in the past seven years, placing ads in the local paper and responding to them, siging up to a few dating websites, and trying to build a social life in general. Out of all the people I meet at work and other groups, only half of them will be female, a smaller percentage will be nearer my age, some of which will be in relationships, and others of which will not fancy me and vice versa or are just not suitable dating material. Most of the time on the Internet I will see a girl who looks interesting, send a quick message to say "Hi, how's your week going?" etc and the vast majority of the time they'll never get back.

Now my Mum thought (very hope she's wrong, as she doesn't see me in social situations much these days) that my problem may be that people first notice my Asperger tendencies about me, and may instinctively believe I am not ready for a relationship. I can quite suspect that people will notice me looking rather anxious, having to concentrate hard to follow conversations, and maybe appearing a bit distant and not getting jokes. I often feel that many people, though certainly not all but probably the majority of younger people, just don't really know how to relate to me, They'll be friendly enough, but they might think there is something not quite right that they cannot pinpoint, and wouldn't be inclined to invite me to social events or have me as part of their "in" crowd.

Now this is where I say "please, please, please, allow me to explain myself." I never know exactly what people are thinking, but if my suspicions are correct, I really want to have the chance to explain why I am that way. I would hope that if the people in question, especially potential girlfriends, realised the reason why I may appear anxious or uneasy in social settings is because I am having to concentrate harder to follow what's benig said, which invariably will impact my facial expressions, and if I can explain the complixities of jokes and reason with them how abusard it is to expect one to understand a joke in a flash etc, then I would hope people would take back any reservations they have about me as a person. If this is with potenial girlfriends, that they would be persuaded not to rule me out, knowing that these things do not signify unfriendliness, but are things that are just unavoidable (to a degree) for one with Asperger's.

On a slightly different note, what I really need right now is a viable means to meet many local, single girls of my age group. I am good looking and think I have much I can offer a girl but don't get the chance to demostrate my abilities in this way. I don't think pubs and clubs are that viable for me. Internet dating seems like a dead-end for me. In other situations one may bump into the odd single girl here and there, but when it's only the odd girl there is a limited chance the two of you would be compatable (I'm not settling for any old girl.) Maybe I should attempt to organise something?

1 comment:

  1. I think this blog is fantastic - really interesting and illuminating. I'd encourage you to share it widely! Would it be ok if I shared it with a friend of mine?

    If it's at all comforting it's difficult for many people to meet suitable partners (and internet dating is so discouraging!), and I think it's a great idea to organise something, maybe a small group night out with a mix of male and female friends. Perhaps you could ask a couple of friends to each bring another friend of the opposite sex so you have a nice mix? That way you'll have a couple of people you know and trust, and a couple of new people to meet too?

    I'll keep reading your great blog and look forward to hearing about your night out!

    Cat Carter