Tuesday, 4 January 2011

The Problems with Internet Dating

Since 2003 I have been trying to do 2 things. Firstly, see if there was any way I could find a girlfriend direct. Secondly, try to get into a social life generally, and one which might enable me to find a girlfriend. Although my social life has improved, and indeed some might say I have an excellent social life, it has not really developed in such a way to enable me to meet many suitable girls.

My Online Dating Histroy

In trying to find a girlfriend direct, I have attempted quite a bit to find a girl on the internet, thats often been the only way I thought I could find someone. To the best of my memory, I tried a bit of online dating soon after I moved into my flat in around early 2004, I gave it a break in around 2005-2007, looking instead to work on a social life and work on developing friendships, hoping that I would find somebody eventually in that way. Then at the beginning in 2008 I signed onto a free online dating site. I sent loads of messages to girls, but hardly recieved any reply.

I joined another site in April 2009. This time I did get some replies to messages. Most of the time though, it amounted to just two or three exchanges of messages and dried up thereafter. I however get chatting to one girl who I almost got round to meeting, until suddenly another man from the site came on the scene, and she's now engaged. And I did even, initially through this site, eventually end up having a date with one girl who comes from my hometown. However we didn't really click and without there being many local girls on the site, there would be a vast amuont of hoops to go through before meeting up.

There were one or two girls I had hopes for but again it dried up eventually or they found boyfriends before I could get through all the hoops involved in meeting them. Recently I've signed onto a couple of other sites, sent loads of messages to girls but barely recieved any kind of reply.

So the basic problem I find with Internet dating is that girls can ignore you easily without being rude. I've tried it for three years and after sending dozens, if not over 100 messages to girls, it becomes very disheartening almost knowing you won't get a reply.

Why I Don't Think Internet Dating Suits Me

I must mention that I do always put on a good photograph on these sites, and one good friend has kindly taken a few for me and given me some tips on this. And I think carefully about what I say in my profile. But I think here lies the cruz of the problem.

I think my problem with Internet dating is that unlike in the real world where people first meet you and gradually get to know about you, your interests, hobbies etc over time, on Internet dating sites you are supposed to explain everything about yourself all at once before meeting anyone. Whilst I try to include those things about me that will most likely attract girls and deliberately leave some things out, the problem may be is that girls can read the lines all too well, and I might come across as a rather boring person.

A case in point might be that of my favourite movies or TV programmes. Now generally speaking, I am not that interested in films or dramas, or in any kind of fiction. Sure there are some I've really enjoyed and I can get into them if I can relate to the character (i.e. The Waterboy as I could relate to the main character). And I am always happy to watch a film when socialising with others, and would be very happy to take a girl out to the pictures! However when I am on my own, winding down at the end of the day, I'll norally wind down to news, current affairs, discussion and documentaries, and most of my videos are factual ones about an issue I am interested in. I am also not really into sport either, and I spend a lot of time thinking, analysing, speculating, working things out, I can spend hours on end like that, which might make be appear like someone who doesn't do a lot. I am also very much interested in political issues too, but not very much up with popular culture these days. These may seem like small things but they may reflect on a dating profile, even if they can only be detected by reading between the lines.

I would hope when I meet a girl in real life, that she would get to like me and appreciate me for who I am and the qualities I have, and then when she finds out about my interests or my lack of knowledge about certain things, she'd think 'oh well' as i might have won her over in another way. But on the internet she'll get to see everything about me before she decides to meet me, and she may well read between the lines and think there's something a bit strange about me, and decide she's not interested before I have any chance of wooing her (if I really am able to woo anyone)

That's just my thoughts. Really hoping for another means to find a woman this year, otherwise I'll keep plodding on with online dating.

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