Me: has just put the heating on for the first time tonight.
My friend: EASY TIGER!LOL
The above is a transcript of what I posted on my Facebook wall a few days ago and a comment a friend of mine made in responce. Does it make any sense to you? I certainly was a bit confused when I first saw the words 'easy tiger' posted in responce to me putting the heating on, as its getting colder in the flat these days.
However after about 15 minutes, incredibly, it clicked. The 'easy tiger' comment was based on what could be an alternative meaning to 'putting the heating on'. It was as if I was talking about heating up as in getting into a night of sexual passion, and the comment was asking me to go steady and not too fast with it, as if I was like a tiger getting in on his prey. It was actually quite funny when it clicked, so I replied to the comment saying "um, didn't quite undestand what you meant by that initially but it's just clicked and you've made me laugh now." Needless to say, I wouldn't normally have got such a joke, and certainly not instantaneously in a wider social setting.
Jokes Like This are Way Too Complicated for Some of Us
The reason why such a joke is complicated is because one must go through many leaps in their thinking in order to understand it. Firstly in this case, the words 'easy tiger' means nothing much in itself. To understand it you must recognise that the word 'tiger' is not being used as a literal noun (not talking about the animal) but is being used in the sense of calling someone by such a name as their behaviour in some way resembles that of a tiger. The word 'easy' is not referring to something being easy to do in its literal sense but really is used as a way of saying 'go easy, steady on.'
Secondly, in order to understand the joke one must have at least a vague idea that the word 'heating' can be referred to in reference to the build up of sexual passion, something that I probably wouldn't have known if it wasn't for one or two pop songs (i.e. Senorita by Justin Timberlake "It feels like something's heating up, can I leave with you?"). Yes even people Asperger's Syndrome may eventually pick up a few thing like this, although it may take a lot longer!
There is of course an enormous difference between flicking a switch in your cupboard to turn on your central heating and sexual activity, and there is absolutely no logical reason why anybody would make any connections between the two, and no logical reason for even thinking someone could be making a reference to sex after you mentioned you've put the central heating on. If you could bring up sex you could bring up virtually any subject after putting the central heating on.
So there is both issues about content, and about vocabulary here. And considering the whole manner of subjects one could bring up there is no logical reason why one would be lead to think it could be about sex. In short your mind has to make many invisible connections to work out what 'easy tiger' could mean after commenting about putting the heating on. Well I suppose the fact I had posted comments recently about online dating but have helped give some clues?
All this may seem unimportant, until we recognise that these are the kinds of jokes that are frequently exchanged in pubs and other social occasions, where one is expected to 'get it' in a flash! And if you don't get it you can be made to feel like the odd one out, socially incompetent, insular, as if there is something wrong with you. Whilst one may occassionally get lucky and the meaning of the joke will click immediately in one's mind, it is highly irrational to expect people to get jokes like this in a flash, as it involves working out a great number of variables (content, vocabulary, whether it's a verb or noun etc) all instantaneously and putting them all together connecting all the dots with minimal clues given, having to make invisible leaps in the mind between one thing and another, with no clear sense of direction.
Next time you see someone who understand a joke, please show some sympathy and realise that for some people, some intelligent people, the whole thing is just far too complicated, especially in a busy social setting.
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
Sunday, 17 October 2010
Why it Sometimes is Just Not Worth the Effort
As this weekend is not proving to be the most exciting and a little empty, and having felt mildly dispondent about the way my plans had turned into on Saturday evening (they were worthwhile though never especially exciting in the first place), I was thinking of going to an organised social today, which was a meal out. I haven't been to any organised socials for some time now, and I have decided not to renew my subscription to the organisation when it expires next week, although I probably will come back at some point, possibly sooner rather than later. At the moment life is very busy in the week with work and college, but I just wish I could have some more exciting social occassions for the weekends, particularly Saturday evening, with people around my age.
I was up till about half twelve last night thinking about whether I should go or not. In the end I decided against going. The reason? Basically I just couldn't be bothered, it didn't seem worth the effort. Having thought through whether or not to go made me think of two things. Firstly, the things I hope for at a social occassion, where I am meeting new people or people I don't yet know very well. Secondly, what in practice do will normally happen at such an event (in contract to my hopes).
My Hopes for Social Occassions
I don't generally go to social events with these specific hopes in mind, but unwittingly, when I am on my own imaging a good social occassion, feeling in mood for socialising, these are the kinds of things I hope to get out of a social.
I hope to get onto conversation topics that are stimulating, whereby I am given the chance to express my thoughts on something, to demonstrate something of my personality, and something of my knowledge. An example of this would be when I was asked if I was watching Big Brother and it lead to discussion about contestants on past series and the activities they did, and how I would feel if I was on there. Such a conversation was an enabling one, it enabled me to express my thoughts in a way that I was keen to do so. Another good thing is when people who don't know you that well say what they think of you, who (celebrities maybe) they remind you of, as it is interesting to see how close they may be to the truth. It's very good when people also instinctively work out what you might be good at and your positive qualitites. Obviously there are some questions I don't want to be asked, and generally these types of conversations require the other people to have an instinctive sixth sense, so they can identify what may be good subjects to raise. And by the way, this is not the type of social discussion that can be planned, so if you're trying to plan your next conversation with me based of these principles, forget it.
Another thing that makes a social especially good is any flirting (by young women) directed at me. Any hints, (or even jokes sometimes), that a girl might find me attractive will have me on a high till at least the end of the day.
Above is What I Hope for but in Reality it Normally Goes Something Like This
A typical social will consist of me doing my best to approach people, introducing myself, shaking a few hands, trying to break the ice, asking them things like "how's your day been?", "where abouts do you live?", "what do you do for a living?" and vice versa, with the two of us, trying to dialog with each other on fairly mundane issues. I normally end up repeating things about myself that I say to loads of people, explaining to people that I do a basic clerical office job, that I live in a flat, that I travel by bus etc. When someone tells me what they do for a living, it's not always something I know much about, and rarely brings about things I can relate to, so the best thing I can do is just nod "OK" etc and the conversation will generally amount to both of us exchangnig a few fact - "this is what I'm about", and "this is what I'm about", maybe exchanging a few mildly common interests or experiences, but barely going any further.
In a larger group, I find I am more likely to make an ill-judged comment (due to the pace of the conversation) that will be met with a "you haven't quite understood" responce, than I am to make others laugh. I may well unwittingly interrupt, misjudging whether I had the appropriate window of opportunity to make my statement. And oftentimes the conversation topics will go onto subjects of which I have little knowledge or experience.
I may leave such a social event with a feeling that you haven't performed too well. And that is why, on some occasions, going to a social event is just not worth the effort.
I was up till about half twelve last night thinking about whether I should go or not. In the end I decided against going. The reason? Basically I just couldn't be bothered, it didn't seem worth the effort. Having thought through whether or not to go made me think of two things. Firstly, the things I hope for at a social occassion, where I am meeting new people or people I don't yet know very well. Secondly, what in practice do will normally happen at such an event (in contract to my hopes).
My Hopes for Social Occassions
I don't generally go to social events with these specific hopes in mind, but unwittingly, when I am on my own imaging a good social occassion, feeling in mood for socialising, these are the kinds of things I hope to get out of a social.
I hope to get onto conversation topics that are stimulating, whereby I am given the chance to express my thoughts on something, to demonstrate something of my personality, and something of my knowledge. An example of this would be when I was asked if I was watching Big Brother and it lead to discussion about contestants on past series and the activities they did, and how I would feel if I was on there. Such a conversation was an enabling one, it enabled me to express my thoughts in a way that I was keen to do so. Another good thing is when people who don't know you that well say what they think of you, who (celebrities maybe) they remind you of, as it is interesting to see how close they may be to the truth. It's very good when people also instinctively work out what you might be good at and your positive qualitites. Obviously there are some questions I don't want to be asked, and generally these types of conversations require the other people to have an instinctive sixth sense, so they can identify what may be good subjects to raise. And by the way, this is not the type of social discussion that can be planned, so if you're trying to plan your next conversation with me based of these principles, forget it.
Another thing that makes a social especially good is any flirting (by young women) directed at me. Any hints, (or even jokes sometimes), that a girl might find me attractive will have me on a high till at least the end of the day.
Above is What I Hope for but in Reality it Normally Goes Something Like This
A typical social will consist of me doing my best to approach people, introducing myself, shaking a few hands, trying to break the ice, asking them things like "how's your day been?", "where abouts do you live?", "what do you do for a living?" and vice versa, with the two of us, trying to dialog with each other on fairly mundane issues. I normally end up repeating things about myself that I say to loads of people, explaining to people that I do a basic clerical office job, that I live in a flat, that I travel by bus etc. When someone tells me what they do for a living, it's not always something I know much about, and rarely brings about things I can relate to, so the best thing I can do is just nod "OK" etc and the conversation will generally amount to both of us exchangnig a few fact - "this is what I'm about", and "this is what I'm about", maybe exchanging a few mildly common interests or experiences, but barely going any further.
In a larger group, I find I am more likely to make an ill-judged comment (due to the pace of the conversation) that will be met with a "you haven't quite understood" responce, than I am to make others laugh. I may well unwittingly interrupt, misjudging whether I had the appropriate window of opportunity to make my statement. And oftentimes the conversation topics will go onto subjects of which I have little knowledge or experience.
I may leave such a social event with a feeling that you haven't performed too well. And that is why, on some occasions, going to a social event is just not worth the effort.
Friday, 8 October 2010
The Common Feeling of Exclusion or Jealousy
I would like to share a common feeling I get which happened to me this week. As I said in my last post I am now doing an evening course at college, and during our two hour lesson we get a short break where we can go into refrectory and talk amongst ourselves. I always make a conscious effort to socialise with my fellow students at this time, and there are some attractive girls on my course.
One thing that gets to me is when girls I know in this type of situation talk about their nights out, or their plans to go out on a Saturday night etc. Now this is hard to explain, I don't know if it's a kind of jealously about their social life or what. You see there are two things I am looking for, and I honestly don't know which I want most, to have a girlfriend for myself or to have a social life which involves being around many girls (which would put me definitely 'in' the dating scene and make finding a girlfriend much easier).
I think the issue is that when I meet girls that I find attractive, I feel I want to be a part of their wider social life, not just someone I see only at college etc. This can apply whether they are single or in a relationship. I think this is because of my own lack of such a social life. Whilst I have some good friends, I don't generally have anyone to go out with as such, and the types of friendships I have are not ones whereby I often meet suitable single women who can ask out for dates. Now if I did have a social life that I was entirely satified with, I don't think it would bother me that a certain girl I knew from college etc was going out one night, but as I don't, I get a kind of jealous feeling.
However, it is not that I would necessarily want to be out with that girl with her friends on that particular night in question. If she was to invite me along with her and her friends, I would most likely find it a rather uncomfortable experience if I was with an all girl group. Nor am I saying I would want to be that girl in question. I suppose it is a more general wanting to get into their social circle, including getting the know the men in their social circle.
Strangely I don't get this kind of jealousy when I hear men talk about their nights out, although I would most likely except their invite if it was offered.
Since the age of twenty I have always wanted to go out on Friday or Saturday nights more. I've never been interested in getting drunk, or doing anything outragous, but simply meeting up into possibly the early hours with other young people in a feel-good environment, and having many attractive girls from other circles who I could approach during the night. My problems have always been two-fold: Firstly, finding people to go out with (you want genuine friends, not just anyone). Secondly, whilst I wished I could, I just don't naturally perform too well in such an environment, though having the right people around me can enable me to do so.
There have been a number of situations over the years where I have seen groups of people go out and I wanted to somehow get in with them, but have always seemed to be overlooked. There has been times when I've thought "how come so and so manages to get in with them and be invited out and me not?" It can be a real fight for some, and many hoops to jump through to achieve the kind of social life one is looking for.
I was thinking today that probably the reason why I have never found a girlfriend is because I naturally tend to click with older people better for the most part. It could be because of my interests, or my own generation being younger hasn't worked out qutie how to relate to me. The girls I an attracted to are probably not drawn to my personality.
Forgive me if I am sounding like I am mixed up in this post. I don't think I am but when I first decided I would write something on this, my mind thought of so many directions I could take this post and angles to this issue I could discuss. If anyone has misunderstood me, hopefully future posts will clarify my thoughts on this.
One thing that gets to me is when girls I know in this type of situation talk about their nights out, or their plans to go out on a Saturday night etc. Now this is hard to explain, I don't know if it's a kind of jealously about their social life or what. You see there are two things I am looking for, and I honestly don't know which I want most, to have a girlfriend for myself or to have a social life which involves being around many girls (which would put me definitely 'in' the dating scene and make finding a girlfriend much easier).
I think the issue is that when I meet girls that I find attractive, I feel I want to be a part of their wider social life, not just someone I see only at college etc. This can apply whether they are single or in a relationship. I think this is because of my own lack of such a social life. Whilst I have some good friends, I don't generally have anyone to go out with as such, and the types of friendships I have are not ones whereby I often meet suitable single women who can ask out for dates. Now if I did have a social life that I was entirely satified with, I don't think it would bother me that a certain girl I knew from college etc was going out one night, but as I don't, I get a kind of jealous feeling.
However, it is not that I would necessarily want to be out with that girl with her friends on that particular night in question. If she was to invite me along with her and her friends, I would most likely find it a rather uncomfortable experience if I was with an all girl group. Nor am I saying I would want to be that girl in question. I suppose it is a more general wanting to get into their social circle, including getting the know the men in their social circle.
Strangely I don't get this kind of jealousy when I hear men talk about their nights out, although I would most likely except their invite if it was offered.
Since the age of twenty I have always wanted to go out on Friday or Saturday nights more. I've never been interested in getting drunk, or doing anything outragous, but simply meeting up into possibly the early hours with other young people in a feel-good environment, and having many attractive girls from other circles who I could approach during the night. My problems have always been two-fold: Firstly, finding people to go out with (you want genuine friends, not just anyone). Secondly, whilst I wished I could, I just don't naturally perform too well in such an environment, though having the right people around me can enable me to do so.
There have been a number of situations over the years where I have seen groups of people go out and I wanted to somehow get in with them, but have always seemed to be overlooked. There has been times when I've thought "how come so and so manages to get in with them and be invited out and me not?" It can be a real fight for some, and many hoops to jump through to achieve the kind of social life one is looking for.
I was thinking today that probably the reason why I have never found a girlfriend is because I naturally tend to click with older people better for the most part. It could be because of my interests, or my own generation being younger hasn't worked out qutie how to relate to me. The girls I an attracted to are probably not drawn to my personality.
Forgive me if I am sounding like I am mixed up in this post. I don't think I am but when I first decided I would write something on this, my mind thought of so many directions I could take this post and angles to this issue I could discuss. If anyone has misunderstood me, hopefully future posts will clarify my thoughts on this.
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
The Catch 22 Situation of Arranging to Meet up with People You Don't Bump into Regularly
Well it's been a while since I've posted anything herer and the reason being is basically because I haven't been out much in the past month. Work has been busy and stressful at times. I've started a course in book keeping to help improve my career prospects (I may go on to be a qualified accountant) and there hasn't been much on in terms of organised socials that I've fancied going to. Numbers seem to have dried up a bit, and my friend Maria who I am very fond of (though not in a sexual way but because of personality etc) doesn't appear to have be attending many organised socials these days.
One thing that I have experienced in the past and am experiencing now is the difficulty of trying to keep in touch with someone whom you don't actually get to see very often. In such a case it means I must take the initiative and find a way ask that person, in this case Maria, if she will meet up with me in some capacity. I've tried this once this month. On 28th August I sent Maria a Facebook message asking her if she wanted to come to a gig that my uncle was doing on the 17th September. She replied on the 12th September, with a "thanks but I can't make that date, see you soon" type reply.
Now next week I am taking the week off work, just to have a break. So tonight I sent her a message suggesting that we should catch up over of a cup of tea, and of course I am now awaiting a reply. I have tried to word both messages in such a way (with much help from a friend) to make it appear that I'm not trying to date the girl, just wanting to meet up as friends.
Now here's the catch 22 sitaution, which I feel I might be in if I don't get to meet up with Maria after today's message. When the other person is repeatedly unable to make the dates you suggested (when still on good terms), you find that you have to keep persisting in asking in order to be able to meet up with that person, and keep in touch. Otherwise you may end up losing touch by default. But if you keep on persisting in trying to arrange to meet up with someone, you can end up looking like you're pestering them, or they may start to become weary of you if you think you're trying to date them.
In short the problem arises when there is someone (most likely someone of the opposite sex) who you are really keen on, for whatever reason, you're trying to arrange to meet up with. If that person can say yes to your first offer of meeting up, you can meet up and hopefully remain in touch in the longer term without that person knowing exactly how interested yu are in them. If however, after two or three attempts that person you like cannot make the dates you set, the catch 22 situation one must get around is finding a way to meet up with that person without them realising how important they are to you (as that may put many women under pressure and you're liable to become a pest). Can anyone find a way out of such a Catch 22?
One thing that I have experienced in the past and am experiencing now is the difficulty of trying to keep in touch with someone whom you don't actually get to see very often. In such a case it means I must take the initiative and find a way ask that person, in this case Maria, if she will meet up with me in some capacity. I've tried this once this month. On 28th August I sent Maria a Facebook message asking her if she wanted to come to a gig that my uncle was doing on the 17th September. She replied on the 12th September, with a "thanks but I can't make that date, see you soon" type reply.
Now next week I am taking the week off work, just to have a break. So tonight I sent her a message suggesting that we should catch up over of a cup of tea, and of course I am now awaiting a reply. I have tried to word both messages in such a way (with much help from a friend) to make it appear that I'm not trying to date the girl, just wanting to meet up as friends.
Now here's the catch 22 sitaution, which I feel I might be in if I don't get to meet up with Maria after today's message. When the other person is repeatedly unable to make the dates you suggested (when still on good terms), you find that you have to keep persisting in asking in order to be able to meet up with that person, and keep in touch. Otherwise you may end up losing touch by default. But if you keep on persisting in trying to arrange to meet up with someone, you can end up looking like you're pestering them, or they may start to become weary of you if you think you're trying to date them.
In short the problem arises when there is someone (most likely someone of the opposite sex) who you are really keen on, for whatever reason, you're trying to arrange to meet up with. If that person can say yes to your first offer of meeting up, you can meet up and hopefully remain in touch in the longer term without that person knowing exactly how interested yu are in them. If however, after two or three attempts that person you like cannot make the dates you set, the catch 22 situation one must get around is finding a way to meet up with that person without them realising how important they are to you (as that may put many women under pressure and you're liable to become a pest). Can anyone find a way out of such a Catch 22?
Friday, 27 August 2010
Review of last Sunday - an even damper squib of a day out than the last weekend
Well following my previous Saturday night out, explained in my last post, when I was disappointed not to see Maria, I was had hopes I would see her at another social, this one arranged for last Sunday (22nd August).
The social planned was first of all a walk, then a trip to pub in view of a local airshow, and then back to one of the member's houses for a barbecue. I was unsure during the week whether or not to go. Basically I was keen to go if Maria was there but if she wasn't going to be it wsn't worth it. There was no one else I especially wanted to socialise with, although they're all nice people, and it wasn't particularly good timing for me. In the end I decided that I would book my place on Friday night, and decide just to meet up at the pub and not do the walk in the morning as it wasn't a convienient time for me. I wanted to know if Maria would be there, as she has a tendency to change her mind a bit, so I gave her just a casual text on Saturday night at 9:00pm to ask if she'd be there. She replied at around 11:00am the next day to say she'd be at the pub around 4:00pm. So it sounded like she was doing the same as me and meeting at others at the pub.
Well I decided I would try to get to pub by about 3:00pm in any case so I got the train and walked with a map trying to find the place. Once I found the place at 3:00pm I saw no-one was there. I then texted Steve, who was organising the event to ask where they were, and it turned out they had already gone off for the barbecue. My goodness that's quick a thought! I've naturally always been a punctual person (except when it involves getting up early) and I'm used to having to adjust to other people's lateness - now it seems the tables have turned!
And this put me in a dilemma. Should I reply to Steve and ask for the address or should I just go home? My decision would depend on one person - you've guessed it, Maria. Well at least it gave me a genuine excuse to text Maria again. After all she said she would arrive at the pub at 4:00pm, and if she did she would be stuck on her own too. So I just texted to say "Hi, don't know if you're with the crowd but they've gone off for the bbq ..." just to inform her. Well I think my dilemma was over when she replied that she was "stuck in" another area close by. Sounded a bit odd to me. The neighbouring town she was 'stuck in' is a small, industrial area to my knowledge, there wouldn't have been much traffic around the area, lor any attractions on a wet Sunday afternoon as far as I could see. Anyway, it was something of a relief to find out about her whereabouts, and it meant that for me it was time to go home.
It was a real damp squib of an afternoon. The weather was cloudy with intermittent rain but very warm and humid. Fortunatly I was able to see another friend later in the evening, so it made a nice end to what had been a very unsettling weekend.
The social planned was first of all a walk, then a trip to pub in view of a local airshow, and then back to one of the member's houses for a barbecue. I was unsure during the week whether or not to go. Basically I was keen to go if Maria was there but if she wasn't going to be it wsn't worth it. There was no one else I especially wanted to socialise with, although they're all nice people, and it wasn't particularly good timing for me. In the end I decided that I would book my place on Friday night, and decide just to meet up at the pub and not do the walk in the morning as it wasn't a convienient time for me. I wanted to know if Maria would be there, as she has a tendency to change her mind a bit, so I gave her just a casual text on Saturday night at 9:00pm to ask if she'd be there. She replied at around 11:00am the next day to say she'd be at the pub around 4:00pm. So it sounded like she was doing the same as me and meeting at others at the pub.
Well I decided I would try to get to pub by about 3:00pm in any case so I got the train and walked with a map trying to find the place. Once I found the place at 3:00pm I saw no-one was there. I then texted Steve, who was organising the event to ask where they were, and it turned out they had already gone off for the barbecue. My goodness that's quick a thought! I've naturally always been a punctual person (except when it involves getting up early) and I'm used to having to adjust to other people's lateness - now it seems the tables have turned!
And this put me in a dilemma. Should I reply to Steve and ask for the address or should I just go home? My decision would depend on one person - you've guessed it, Maria. Well at least it gave me a genuine excuse to text Maria again. After all she said she would arrive at the pub at 4:00pm, and if she did she would be stuck on her own too. So I just texted to say "Hi, don't know if you're with the crowd but they've gone off for the bbq ..." just to inform her. Well I think my dilemma was over when she replied that she was "stuck in" another area close by. Sounded a bit odd to me. The neighbouring town she was 'stuck in' is a small, industrial area to my knowledge, there wouldn't have been much traffic around the area, lor any attractions on a wet Sunday afternoon as far as I could see. Anyway, it was something of a relief to find out about her whereabouts, and it meant that for me it was time to go home.
It was a real damp squib of an afternoon. The weather was cloudy with intermittent rain but very warm and humid. Fortunatly I was able to see another friend later in the evening, so it made a nice end to what had been a very unsettling weekend.
Monday, 23 August 2010
Coping With a Damp Squib of a Night Out
I was meaning to do some blogging last week but other things got in the way, and my report here is of the Saturday before last (14th August).
At this organised social there were in the end only six people due to attend, why so low a number I do not know. One of them was my friend Maria, who I mentioned in an earlier post. Now I have seen her since I last wrote about her, and I must say that I have developed a bit of a crush on Maria, although it is not a sexual thing, it's more to do with her personality. She's very useful for me as she naturally helps me along socially and takes a real interest in me, and socially, you could say she gets the best out of me. I am useful for her on a night out too, because particualarly later on she can become very spontaniously minded, losing sense of reality, and I'm useful in helping her to steady and clarify her thoughts, and I think she's recognised that before I did. We're incredibly opposite, but it's probably a case of us both naturally filling in the missing bits of each other's personalities, and as far as I'm concerned it's a case of "opposites attract" (which would have to be our wedding song if we were ever to marry!).
Unfortunatly, at this damp squib of a social, she didn't turn up. I was a little suprised, as although she often changes her mind about things, she will usually post a note on the website if she's not coming at the last minute and she didn't this time. In the end there were just four of us.
I had a bad feeling about this social as I was on my way there. I was the last of the four to arrive and it was hard to try to mix comfortably, and be friendly, whilst wondering if Maria would turn up, often looking towards the entrance to see if I could spot her. We were all wondering about it, though I think I was the only one who knew her, so I offered to text Maria to see what was happening. Now I was nervous about texting, because I didn't want to give her the impression I was only going to the organised social to see her, so I decided to use the word 'we' in the text, to make it sound more like I was a good friend looking out, rather than as a man trying to hunt her down. She replied to say she wasn't well.
I felt somewhat more after relaxed knowing that she wasn't coming. What was awkward about this event, and can be awkward about many organised socials, is that you end up having to try to socialise with people you may not wish to make the effort to talk to, or who may be hard work. I was sitting next to this lady, Jane, whom I have met a few times. I have nothing against Jane, but she doesn't appear too easy socially, I don't think we have any common ground and she's in her 40s (don't get me wrong I interact happily with people far older than this, I'm not ageist but on these nights out I hope to meet people more my own age). It was a struggle for a while. However she then commented that "it's a bit of a dull night..."and immediatly I was little relieved as this was what I (and the others) were thinking and a subject I can engage in, analysing the social dynamics.
In the end we all left the bar at about 10:00pm. We were all disappointed with the low turnout. Maria would have made all the difference I think. However to see that no-one was enjoying the night and we could be open about it was quite a relief, as I fear that commenting about the night being dull may appear like a more polite way of saying "you're boring company" so I'm relunctant to express it myself. But it's just a fact that some occassions can turn out to be a damp squib socially, simply because you need more people to stimulate the conversation.
At this organised social there were in the end only six people due to attend, why so low a number I do not know. One of them was my friend Maria, who I mentioned in an earlier post. Now I have seen her since I last wrote about her, and I must say that I have developed a bit of a crush on Maria, although it is not a sexual thing, it's more to do with her personality. She's very useful for me as she naturally helps me along socially and takes a real interest in me, and socially, you could say she gets the best out of me. I am useful for her on a night out too, because particualarly later on she can become very spontaniously minded, losing sense of reality, and I'm useful in helping her to steady and clarify her thoughts, and I think she's recognised that before I did. We're incredibly opposite, but it's probably a case of us both naturally filling in the missing bits of each other's personalities, and as far as I'm concerned it's a case of "opposites attract" (which would have to be our wedding song if we were ever to marry!).
Unfortunatly, at this damp squib of a social, she didn't turn up. I was a little suprised, as although she often changes her mind about things, she will usually post a note on the website if she's not coming at the last minute and she didn't this time. In the end there were just four of us.
I had a bad feeling about this social as I was on my way there. I was the last of the four to arrive and it was hard to try to mix comfortably, and be friendly, whilst wondering if Maria would turn up, often looking towards the entrance to see if I could spot her. We were all wondering about it, though I think I was the only one who knew her, so I offered to text Maria to see what was happening. Now I was nervous about texting, because I didn't want to give her the impression I was only going to the organised social to see her, so I decided to use the word 'we' in the text, to make it sound more like I was a good friend looking out, rather than as a man trying to hunt her down. She replied to say she wasn't well.
I felt somewhat more after relaxed knowing that she wasn't coming. What was awkward about this event, and can be awkward about many organised socials, is that you end up having to try to socialise with people you may not wish to make the effort to talk to, or who may be hard work. I was sitting next to this lady, Jane, whom I have met a few times. I have nothing against Jane, but she doesn't appear too easy socially, I don't think we have any common ground and she's in her 40s (don't get me wrong I interact happily with people far older than this, I'm not ageist but on these nights out I hope to meet people more my own age). It was a struggle for a while. However she then commented that "it's a bit of a dull night..."and immediatly I was little relieved as this was what I (and the others) were thinking and a subject I can engage in, analysing the social dynamics.
In the end we all left the bar at about 10:00pm. We were all disappointed with the low turnout. Maria would have made all the difference I think. However to see that no-one was enjoying the night and we could be open about it was quite a relief, as I fear that commenting about the night being dull may appear like a more polite way of saying "you're boring company" so I'm relunctant to express it myself. But it's just a fact that some occassions can turn out to be a damp squib socially, simply because you need more people to stimulate the conversation.
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
My day out in London. A talk on Relationships and an Organised Social
On Saturday 31st July I went to London for the day. I was there for two reasons. A few weeks ago I was sent an email about a talk that was to take place for men, about how to chat to women, how to approach and communicate and hold conversations with women in order to attract them, and find a relationship. It sounded just like the kind of thing I wanted to hear about so I booked my place, and went to London on Saturday to hear the talk.
Then after that, I planned to go to another organised social in London. The group which arranges the organised socials I go to operates in many cities across the UK, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to go an event in London, mainly for the purposes of practicing my social interaction skills.
Review of the Talk on Relationships
I arrived at the hotel at 12:30pm, I was the first one there, and it felt strange sitting on my own for 5 minutes or so in Suite 1 of this posh hotel. Eventually other guys turned up, about twenty five in total, and then the talk began at about 1:00pm.
The speaker gave some helpful tips during the talk on how I should communicate with women, and what not to do, things I definitely appreciated hearing and will take on board. However, there were aspects I did not like. Now I came to this event to hear a talk, I did not go to play games. Yet there was an element of role play involved which I did not appreciate and I basically opted-out of it.
Abuot 40 minutes into the talk, the speaker asked all the guys to stand up and greet each other in a monotonous, unenthusiastic way. Well I was fine with that, after all I hadn't really said Hello to many people I joined in. However, after that the speaker asked everyone to go up and greet everyone with energy and enthusiasm. Now this I was not comfortable with. I was getting quite tired after a busy morning travelling up to London, and I'm not really inclinded to greet people I don't know in such a way. So I basically stayed up my chair and allowed people to greet me.
Then thirdly came the tipping point, where the speaker asked everyone to greet others as they would greet someone they hadn't seen in years, like an old school friend. Now I was not up for this kind of acting, so I decided I would opt out. I did not move out of my chair at this point. There were two ladies in the room assisting, I don't know if they were hotel staff or the speaker's assistants, and they tried to greet me in such a way. I tried to explain I wasn't hear to role play I was hear simply to listen to a talk.
Then a bit later on the speaker tried to get everyone to jump up and down, to scream and celebrate, the idea being to help people get in the mood for chatting to girls, because, as the speaker said, you will impress women far more if you have energy and excitement and in a fun mood. Now there was no way I was going to do this. The speaker said "everybody stand up" and everyone stood up bar me. He tried to nod at me as if to get me to stand, but I just shook my head, so it went on with me opting out.
During the break, I tried to explain, politely of course, to one of the speaker's assistants that I did not apprecitate all the role-play, and that for me, far from getting me in the right mood, it would be more likely to make me feel uncomfortable and would distract my attention to what he may say next. I also made a clever point which is as follows. The speaker made the point that in approaching women we must act as men, and be seen to be in control of our decisions and be able to take the lead. I said to the speaker's assistant girls that if by refusing to join in I was acting like such a man, in control, doing what he wants rather than following another man's lead. They said it was a 'good point'.
There was also an element of mind control during the meeting that I did not appreciate. The speaker at times asked people to close their eyes and visualise themselves in different situations. Again I kept my eyes open and opted out. I came to the meeting for practical tips on speaking to women, for which I did get some useful tips. I did not come for any knd of psychological manipulation or role-playing games.
However I did take the opportunity afterwards to try to chat to a few women in Green Park and around the streets of London, taking on boards some of the things said, though I was genuinely too tired to do this properly.
The Organised Social
I booked by place on the organised social in the evening partly as a means to practice any skills I could pick up at the event. I'm not sure if I really succeeded in this as I was really quite tired by the evening and the place was very loud. Nevertheless it was nice being able to mix in with a different crowd, and the fact I wasn't likely to meet such people again enabled me just to attempt to experiment a bit socially (I don't think I experimented much though). It was hard as a visitor to London knowing what to say, but it was still a worthwhile time I had.
I would have liked to stay later, but I ended up leaving the organised social at 10:00pm, and eventually arriving home sometime soon after midnight (which tends to be about my bedtime anyway during the week). Needless to say, the following afternoon I was feeling quite shattered, after such a busy day with so much to take in.
Then after that, I planned to go to another organised social in London. The group which arranges the organised socials I go to operates in many cities across the UK, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to go an event in London, mainly for the purposes of practicing my social interaction skills.
Review of the Talk on Relationships
I arrived at the hotel at 12:30pm, I was the first one there, and it felt strange sitting on my own for 5 minutes or so in Suite 1 of this posh hotel. Eventually other guys turned up, about twenty five in total, and then the talk began at about 1:00pm.
The speaker gave some helpful tips during the talk on how I should communicate with women, and what not to do, things I definitely appreciated hearing and will take on board. However, there were aspects I did not like. Now I came to this event to hear a talk, I did not go to play games. Yet there was an element of role play involved which I did not appreciate and I basically opted-out of it.
Abuot 40 minutes into the talk, the speaker asked all the guys to stand up and greet each other in a monotonous, unenthusiastic way. Well I was fine with that, after all I hadn't really said Hello to many people I joined in. However, after that the speaker asked everyone to go up and greet everyone with energy and enthusiasm. Now this I was not comfortable with. I was getting quite tired after a busy morning travelling up to London, and I'm not really inclinded to greet people I don't know in such a way. So I basically stayed up my chair and allowed people to greet me.
Then thirdly came the tipping point, where the speaker asked everyone to greet others as they would greet someone they hadn't seen in years, like an old school friend. Now I was not up for this kind of acting, so I decided I would opt out. I did not move out of my chair at this point. There were two ladies in the room assisting, I don't know if they were hotel staff or the speaker's assistants, and they tried to greet me in such a way. I tried to explain I wasn't hear to role play I was hear simply to listen to a talk.
Then a bit later on the speaker tried to get everyone to jump up and down, to scream and celebrate, the idea being to help people get in the mood for chatting to girls, because, as the speaker said, you will impress women far more if you have energy and excitement and in a fun mood. Now there was no way I was going to do this. The speaker said "everybody stand up" and everyone stood up bar me. He tried to nod at me as if to get me to stand, but I just shook my head, so it went on with me opting out.
During the break, I tried to explain, politely of course, to one of the speaker's assistants that I did not apprecitate all the role-play, and that for me, far from getting me in the right mood, it would be more likely to make me feel uncomfortable and would distract my attention to what he may say next. I also made a clever point which is as follows. The speaker made the point that in approaching women we must act as men, and be seen to be in control of our decisions and be able to take the lead. I said to the speaker's assistant girls that if by refusing to join in I was acting like such a man, in control, doing what he wants rather than following another man's lead. They said it was a 'good point'.
There was also an element of mind control during the meeting that I did not appreciate. The speaker at times asked people to close their eyes and visualise themselves in different situations. Again I kept my eyes open and opted out. I came to the meeting for practical tips on speaking to women, for which I did get some useful tips. I did not come for any knd of psychological manipulation or role-playing games.
However I did take the opportunity afterwards to try to chat to a few women in Green Park and around the streets of London, taking on boards some of the things said, though I was genuinely too tired to do this properly.
The Organised Social
I booked by place on the organised social in the evening partly as a means to practice any skills I could pick up at the event. I'm not sure if I really succeeded in this as I was really quite tired by the evening and the place was very loud. Nevertheless it was nice being able to mix in with a different crowd, and the fact I wasn't likely to meet such people again enabled me just to attempt to experiment a bit socially (I don't think I experimented much though). It was hard as a visitor to London knowing what to say, but it was still a worthwhile time I had.
I would have liked to stay later, but I ended up leaving the organised social at 10:00pm, and eventually arriving home sometime soon after midnight (which tends to be about my bedtime anyway during the week). Needless to say, the following afternoon I was feeling quite shattered, after such a busy day with so much to take in.
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